scared and alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by purpleAPY, Feb 15, 2011.

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  1. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    I don't know how to deal with anything anymore... I'm so depressed and I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it. I see a therapist but only once a week and I missed my appointment yesterday because I've been so absent-minded lately so I won't be able to go to her until next week. I can't talk to my roommates about anything because when I try I know it stresses them out. I want to talk to them so badly but I never feel comfortable approaching them.

    I just don't know who to turn to anymore... I'm constantly exhausted, I'm lucky if I can make it to class, I want to sleep all the time. I'm not eating much. I can't keep up with homework and studying and I can already see it affecting my performance in my classes.

    I'm really scared I'll fail out of college or something. This is all so fucking stressful. I just want it to go away. No one understands what I'm going through. My friends all say they have their own shit to deal with. None of them were raped, none of them have gone through the shit I'm going through right now. I don't want to sound selfish but I feel like they're making excuses to not talk to me about it because they don't want to stress themselves out with my problems, they don't realize how badly I need them.

    I've had suicidal thoughts in the past and I've had them for the past couple weeks and I'm absolutely terrified that one day I'll snap or something. I've never planned anything out or had any attempts or anything like that but I'm so scared it'll get worse. I don't know what to do right now. Please help me.
     
  2. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i'm really sorry you were raped. how long ago did this happen? i hope your therapist is helping you deal with it. can you call and let her know you need an emergency appointment? sometimes they can squeeze you in. in the meantime you could call the suicide hotline or the rape crisis centre for some extra support. sending you a big hug, if okay. you can get through this. i believe in you.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Go to the school councillors and talk to them okay they will get you connected to the help you need Call your therapist and tell him or her you need help now okay get on the cancellation list or just talk on the phone You are not alone now okay we here you and we care about you You vent here anytime but please call someone in real life to get the help you need as well.
    Tell the school councillor how you are struggling and maybe decrease your work load some okay so you don't have so much to deal with right now hugs
     
  4. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    well i was sexually assaulted last year almost exactly a year ago, and up until like december or something i was dealing with that. then i finally got better and then i was raped like a month ago so i just feel like im going through this non-stop cycle.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry this happen to you again You need to get help okay tell coucillors at your school what happen they can get you help from a rape councillor they will get you the help you need to heal h ugs
     
  6. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    wow i'm so sorry this happened to you again. i was assaulted as a child and again in my early 20s. i felt like there was a target on my back. it was not a good feeling. try and get an emergency appointment and see about taking a break from school, if you think that will help. you need to focus on getting well right now.
     
  7. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    I think you need some sexual abuse support purple. Are there any centres for abused women nearby that you could go to? You need help and support to deal with what you're going through. Are there any supports available at your university? Sorry that this happened to you. :hug:
     
  8. purpleAPY

    purpleAPY Well-Known Member

    i dunno i mean im going to a therapist at my school that speciallysizes in sexual assault and i missed my appointment but im seeing her tomorrow so hopefully that will help. ive tried to talk to my roommates a little more and i think im startingg to feel a little more comfrotabale about it (ssorry for the typos im drunk right now) but hopefully ill be better eventually or something
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you do go get that help tomorrow try putting the alcohol away now okay It will only make things worse for you I totally understand why you are using it but it is only a quick fix and it won't help you in the long run hugs
     
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