I'm not sure what to say, I've never posted to a forum like this before. I've been dealing with depression for years, and was hospitalized last year around this time. During the past year I've been working really hard with my psychologist on learning how to deal with it. I've been looking at my problems instead of escaping from them. Sometimes I feel okay. Lately though, I feel like it is all just talk. Things, actual circumstances, have not and will not change just by talking them over. I feel better when I think of killing myself and that scares me. I don't want to die, I just feel like it's the only thing left to do. I know this is vague, I'm sorry. I just wanted to get it out. I don't have friends or family who understand about depression. They think I could snap out of it if I tried hard enough. I sure wish that was true. I am struggling with suicidal thoughts right now. It's very painful and I feel like I'm out of options, I just don't know what to do. I have an appointment for therapy this afternoon, but I've been having panic attacks all day and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get myself to go. I called out of work today because I had a panic attack at work yesterday and didn't want it to happen again today. Part of me thinks I will never go back. Thank you for your encouragement.