I've had several attempts. My most recent one (towards the end of last year) was my most severe. I had smaller 'attempts' before that one, but that was the first I'd call serious. I swallowed about 70 pills - in my previous 'attempts' I had only taken about 8-10. But with that one it genuinely shocked me when I actually swallowed them all. And at that moment I knew I had it in me to go through with it. But then, about half hour to an hour later I started panicking, and ended up telling my step mother who called me an ambulance.
I know deep down I have it in me to do it. But I'm scared that if I do it, I'll end up panicking as I wait. You could say "well why not jump off a tall building or shoot yourself, then there's no waiting", well aside from me having access to neither of those - it takes a LOT to jump or pull the trigger - but swallowing pills is easy.
So now I'm in a situation where my methods (I have two, both being the obvious ones) both require waiting - time in which I'll likely panic and call myself an ambulance.
I know deep down I have it in me to do it. But I'm scared that if I do it, I'll end up panicking as I wait. You could say "well why not jump off a tall building or shoot yourself, then there's no waiting", well aside from me having access to neither of those - it takes a LOT to jump or pull the trigger - but swallowing pills is easy.
So now I'm in a situation where my methods (I have two, both being the obvious ones) both require waiting - time in which I'll likely panic and call myself an ambulance.
