Scared.... (May trigger, but idk :s)

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by MonkeyCadet, Nov 22, 2012.

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  1. MonkeyCadet

    MonkeyCadet Member

    So sh has been something that I normally use to cope with large amounts of stress and pain in my life, especially when I start getting dark thoughts because, like others, for the moment it keeps my minds off those thoughts, and it keeps me from doing really serious harm to myself.... I know this is short term but for the time being its something I rely on to stay alive. (as ironic as that may seem) but it really keeps some poisonous thoughts and plans at bay from my mind... But now it's started to become a once a night activity where the reasoning for my actions is because I hate myself. I cannot take my own life right now due to the damage it would cause to other people I know, but to cope with the feeling of me no longer wishing to be alive, Yet not being able to go to that end result I put myself through pain and torture every night feeling as if it's something that I deserve. If its going down this road now I don't understand why I still stick to the sh rather than just end my daily suffering once and for all... What's the point in living if you put yourself through so much pain every day just to avoid losing it all...
     
  2. MonkeyCadet

    MonkeyCadet Member

    Just realized me being the idiot I am I forgot to mention what I'm afraid of... Well, I guess I figure one of these days putting myself through some form of pain isn't going to be enough to subdue my other thoughts and the worst will happen...
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun sorry you are suffering so. There is help hun you have to talk ok to someone. Talk to your doctor your parents someone ok. The sh can and will stop with support hun I know it is hard but you can stop this Please hun reach out for some help like you are doing here. Talk to someone in real life so you can heal hugs
     
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