i cant feel it anymore. im scared and ashamed. I dont want this to be part of me anymore, but it is and it always will be. Its who i am. I can feel him. on my skin. in my hair. and i wash and wash and wash but its still there. The flashbacks and the dreams. Im living it every moment. I cant get past it. its getting worse. I have noone i can tell. i cant let them know what i am. I know i wanted it. i think i did. im sure i understood and i could of stopped it but i let it happen time and time again and the guilt and shame is killing me. Its ripping me apart from the inside. Please make it stop. please make him go away. will it ever stop?