Scared of commitment ???

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by hypothermia, Apr 29, 2011.

  1. hypothermia

    hypothermia Member

    So here is my story. I am young (almost 17) but i still feel like there is no one in the world for me. I've had some shorter relationships, dating, affairs... but nothing lasted, because I ! always broke up with the person.
    At first i was fantasizing about him, got him... and then i started to look for mistakes that this person has. And in the end i would end everything. I mean i still wanted to be with this persons, but no i actually didn't... or did i? :(
    Damn i'm so confused, i don't know what to do. I'm not affraid of being hurt. I am scared of commitment to one person, what if someone better comes across? what will people think about this relationship? will this ever make me happy? ....
    I see my friends. No one has such problems. If they like someone, and that someone likes them, they will do everything to keep that person. But I wouldnt. I would end it, and convince myself that this person isn't right for me.
    And in the end, i'll regret my decision :(.
    This came up now, when i got involved with my schoolmate (because i see him every day) Damn i've always dreamed about him and then had drunk affair with him. He wanted to try something, but i said no. I mean i still want him... but no, i don't. I don't know why i think all this. Hes not what i've been searching for. We can't even talk normally. I think that we have nothing in common then.
    I hate myself. Why can't I just be ''normal'' :( why do i feel like this. It makes my mind go crazy and confused.
    Does anyone feels the same? Will that feelings go away when i grow up? :(
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The thing is you are so young and you should not be tied down to a committment at this age okay Go out make friends go out in groups of friends but i think you are right this time of your life is about meeting lots of people I think when the right one comes alone in time you will want a committed relationship Enjoy you life okay don't get tied down too soon hugs
  3. MLKane

    MLKane Well-Known Member

    we're always taught that even as young as we are we should find someone who's totally perfect and stay with them for the rest of our lives. That's just what films and tv are always telling us atm. but take it from someone your own age (17 soon!) that relationships are not all that. love isn't what it is in the movies.

    maybe it's just too early right now, I know it sounds patronising but just waiting might be the best option. wait until you are the confident, self secure and happy person who can handle the insecurities of relationships before getting serious. I mean, you could get a start in, go on few dates or hang out alone with a guy you like but don't rush it, when you are ready things will come naturally.
  4. R Wolf

    R Wolf Member

    Well, to start, some years ago I felt kind the same way like you, my relationships where very short and I always ended them, I always find flaws in the people I dated. Well, when I was 22 I finally found my first love, but, well I ended it to, it lasted a year. I was very depressed for 6 to 10 months later. But at the end I finally learn something.

    You can’t search in someone all your happiness, one person doesn’t make you happy. Yes it can make you like 80%or 90% happier, but not all. Your friends, maybe family, work, hobbies are also important to make you happy.

    You start looking at defects when you start dating with someone because you are searching for person that is perfect, that makes you 100% happy, but that person doesn’t exist. The funny and cool thing about a relationship is the good and the bad things, the defects that many people have can be a good experience. Try looking at this for another perspective. And don’t worry the age have nothing to do, is just that you have to learn some tricks that life have, maybe you will learn them today, tomorrow , or in a week, just relax and live your life.