Scared of death...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by noairtobreathe, Jul 21, 2008.

  1. I wish I could accept death as a way of life, and everyone has to die sooner or later. I'm just so scared of losing people I know. I, myself, am not scared of death when it has to do with me... well, okay, maybe I am scared, but I am way more scared if death steals a friend of mine away. I think about this constantly! Recently, I've known 3 people who didn't deserve to die, die. All in a time span of maybe 3/4 months. And with my grandma and great aunt passing away around that time too. I didn't really know them that well(the 3 who didn't deserve to die), I've met them a couple times, had classes with them at school, but never really really got to know them. Yet, it effected me like I've known them since forever. It just feels like death is so close to me... I don't want anymore of this. And it scares me to think that anything can happen! One moment, someone can just be taken away from you. I wish I can just be thankful that my friends are alive, instead I have to worry about them constantly and thinking of how I'm going to live on with their death... :sad:

    I honestly don't know if that made any sense. I've been re reading it about 10 times already and I hope you guys will get it. :unsure:

    AND what is horrible about the 3 friends who died, is that it could have been prevented... they should still be here today, all 3 of them...
     
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The death of others, especially those of younger persons that are a complete surprise, is not easy to deal with. In a sense it reminds you of your own mortality. I am sorry you suffered these losses. Your friends would want you to go on living without them. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  3. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    Here is my take on death and I hope it is not too intense or triggering so don't read this if you aren't into taking in all these thoughts about it:

    It is kind of late and I am...kind of tired but anyways:

    I don't really fear death anymore. I don't think I am immune...or detached.
    I have felt I have a greater purpose, that I must carry on and despite pain I will survive for the sake of my morals and all I have learned on earth.


    I do not fear death normally but I sometimes fear a violent and tragic state of being and the idea of pain.

    That's why I use aversion techniques. I avert from the actual pains I feel, the things that don't make sense, and use constantly self-talk. It's exhausting to me but I have a lot of things I have had to work through.
    It still is rewarding overall, because even the most challenging difficulties teach us strength and power over them.


    I don't know how I overcame it. Whether it was a struggle of faith, or where maybe I was called to my path...I don't know. But I want to share with you something, I believe the spirit world exists. Tonight I was gazing into my candle and it was flickering, I got shivers and it was a bit weird but I think there was something going on there.

    I have gotten the warm vibes, a feeling of a presence, recently...I saw this glowing orb on my ceiling...using my faith and praying to God. I kept asking for an angel to appear. I can't really analyze it right now, it was a bit overwhelming.

    St. Michael the Arch Angel who I called in a dream may have been present and was listening. I heard my words kind of reverberate somewhere out there....and then, the flame just flickered and flickered and the whole room was alight as if there was a halo above me. I had the light out. It was a bit of experimental thing, but I was just really desperate for something to bring meaning to my life...and existence.

    I just know...ok...there has got to be more. Everything is here for a purpose. I think the best thing for the world is to give and give and not expect things in return, because life is sacrifice. Death is not the end...and everyone should be forgiven in my view.

    Don't give up yet, there is a good purpose...we are the leaders of the world...it doesn't mean you have to be Catholic or Christian or any religion. You just have to believe in love and compassion over selfishness. I am not saying suicide is selfish but life is worth living because everyone has a soul and the spirit lives on...so live life and enjoy it, stop fearing death because death maybe is like a cm compared to the span of life, evolutionary progress on earth...I think, that the earth is to complex to let go of anyone...even us as simple as specks of dust. We are worth hanging onto. All of us, in our various forms, together as one.

    I know that was kind of deep. So, I hope it helped because It sort of helped me...

    I am really sorry if it didn't help and hope that it wasn't too deep or too much philosophy to share.
     
  4. Thank you gentelady! I know they would want that, it's just difficult. But like I said, I didn't really know them that well... so I feel like, in a way, I shouldn't really be feeling these strong of feelings about their death. I mean, obviously one is going to be sad about it... but I kinda bring it to the next level. I always seem to have to remind myself, "I didn't know them that well... they weren't really my friends..." just so I can calm down about the whole thing. Ugh, haha, I think I'm just being really confusing. I can't seem to put the thoughts I have in my head into words. But still thanks, though. :)

    And thank you too wallflower! I enjoyed reading what you had to say. This is what I wanted, someone to give me their insight on it. I also believe that a spirit world exists. I like to think that people who moved on are still with us, not just in our hearts, but maybe really right next to us... Even though I like to think that, it still doesn't ease the pain of losing someone... I really hope death isn't the end. I wish I knew for sure. I don't want to fear death, I just can't help it. I get really scared about losing people, I haven't even lost any of my good friends yet(thank god by the way), ya know? But I constantly think I will. I mean, ugh, I know everyone is going to die...but I don't want it to happen anytime soon. And I don't want to be here when it does happen. I really wish I could explain what I'm thinking better... lol I feel like I'm doing a terrible job at it.


    By the way, I like deep replies back. I like to get challenged on the way I think and my views and such. I live for deep conversations with people.
    I would like to say so much more, even though it looks like I've said enough, but I'm actually really tired... thank you though, even though you were tired, for replying back! :)