Scared of failure!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Leiaha, Dec 14, 2008.

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  1. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Very rarely do i leave my house or even ansa my door or phone:( everything makes me panic, even my own thoughts. Anxiety and depression are my middle names. I am a burden 2 everyone i know. I dont even wanna get outta bed often i dont. I haven't got dressed for 2 weeks this time? I haven't eaten for 2 days. I have no friends anymore. I am stupid and ugly. I never feel happy. I haven't cooked
    a meal for ages. I am weak and lethargic. Just cant be bothered with anything. I cant even pretend anymore. The thought of dying terrifies me but th thought of living terrifies me more. I dont do anything i serve no purpose. I dont wanna talk anymore. Cant concentrate on anything for long. I am disregarded by all and respected by none. I am invisible. Physical and mental pain torture me. No1 can help. I am not worth their help.
    Trying doesnt work. I will never again seek help. 2day i started taking tablets i will do it 2day! I hope it works 2day, i hope 2day will be THE DAY. I cant go on like this. Its not fair:unsure:
  2. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    i hope you reconsider, there is always another way it just takes time to get there and find it.
    yes, you may have to live thru the shit but its out there waiting for you.
    stop taking the pills, eat something and rest up, make yourself ready and strong enough to see tomorrow and see what happens.

    we are here to help you, dont give up
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello Leiaha,

    I can totally understand how you are feeling. I also live practically in isolation.I never left my home for four years until September and I only rarely go out now. My anti-depressants are helping a bit though. I was the way you are now for a long time. I didn't have the energy to even feed myself. You need to find motivation somewhere. Have you sought any professional help? Dying is not the answer because anxiety can be treated and you can live a normal life again, don't give up hope hun. We are here for you :hug:

  4. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Leiaha, you are not alone unless you choose to. You are weak coz you havent had a decent meal in ages. Put down those pills, eat something then call a friend of a family member to come down to your place. Do not stay alone in this state of mind. Reach out for help hun, call up someone. Give yourself a chance at finding a meaning to life. Depression is talking its not you talking right now. You can beat this beast but you need to reach out hun. You are NOT alone!

    :hug: granny xox
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I have no friends and my family disowned me last year when i had a breakdown. They all said i embarrassed them and let them down goin into a psych ward. I have seen the crisis team 6 times, had a psychiatrist, gp, and had a CPN for 8 months. They all rejected me, not worth helping. :-( its not easy 2 hear that.
    Leiaha x
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Leiaha, is there any way you can be referred to a different psychiatrist? :hug:
  7. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    No, Ive tried everything. Apparently it depends on postcode who you get and they dont waiver from that rule. Ive accepted i wont get the help i need now. :(
  8. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :( Don't give up Leiaha, is there any possibility of getting a private therapist or psychiatrist?
  9. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I cant afford it.
  10. ergo51

    ergo51 Well-Known Member

    Leiaha I care what happens to you. I've logged back on just to check your post........I read it earlier.........I know nothing so didn't respond but here I am thinking of you......I know it's so little but I AM THINKING OF YOU>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
  11. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Have you ever called the samaritans? they can help you get through difficult times.

    Do you have agoraphobia?

    Paul mckenna(the uk's top hypnotist) has written some awesome self help books about self esteem, confidence and agoraphobia. Maybe try one? :hug:

    There are so many options hun, please don't give up :hug:
  12. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

  13. levitated-one

    levitated-one Well-Known Member


    There are many people like you here on Earth.. You are afraid of living, and afraid of death at the same time.. most people here on SF is like you're not alone.

    What you have to understand is.. Death is as equally important as Life, if you read "Tuesdays with Morrie" The professor mentioned that..just before he passed away..

    Death is nothing..negative..only humans don't understand death..that's why it's negative..

    Psychology and psychoanalysis mentioned - ego death
    Spirituality & religion - Rebirth

    The concept is that.. to be awakened in this life you need to experience death.. Death of your old self, and be a new you. What negative aspects of you you get rid of it, rising to a new awakening, getting closer to higher consciousness. And high on life, naturally.

    For me, I'm still working on that stage..sometimes it hit rock bottom before somebody can really enjoy life.. for example..someone had a motorbike accident had hated life before..but after that incident, because it was a life changing made him realize a lot of things..about life, and everything.. and he's then awakened..he died (ego death) and was reborn again.. the new him, attaining higher consciousness.

    So, despite everything.. you, we, and me.. we're all suffering..and looking for that death..the ego death that we're talking about here. Not many of us know that we're looking for that ego death.. we just thought we're looking for the real death. But, they're both the same.. you need to understand this.

    You need to understand that life and death are both equally important.. that's the message I'm trying to tell you.
  14. noisserped

    noisserped Guest

    I know exactly how you feel, because I could have written your first post. I just wanted to say that. =(
  15. MeAndYou

    MeAndYou Well-Known Member

    Just because you cant find a psychiatrist/therapist because of kinks in the system, doesnt mean there is not someone who can help you. This forum for example. Pretty sure most people can relate.

    When im having a semi good day but am still depressed/suicidal, i tell myself that im not doing enough to convince myself to not commit suicide. I'm not doing enough to better myself and my life. And i am probably right for the most part. I think what most people have to realize is, a psychiatrist, a drug, a therapist, anyone, is not giong to make you feel good all on its own. You and only You can create happiness for yourself. We all have ups and downs (to put it in the lamest of terms). For most of us who are extremley depressed or suicidal, we are not living, we are coping. So suicide feels like a very real possibility, a very real way out. It doesnt have to be.
  16. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    Ok lol
  17. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    :hug: Dont give up hun.
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