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Scared of myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by radical, Aug 16, 2008.

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  1. radical

    radical Member

    Okay, so, i guess ive got a pretty big problem. Now before you all read this i want you all to understand that i want to find an answer, all help is greatly appreciated but i really want to find and answer for myself, i dont want to go see a doctor or get on meds to suppress these fellings or w/e i have.

    Alright what pretty much just happened is i opened myself up in so many ways, in a spiritual way (im not sure if its a good feeling), my state of thought, and i rethink my ideals. Its really confusing how to explain it. Well ive been talking to myself for about a year now, or ive realized it for a year. Im already talking to myself before i realize "im talking to myself again". Now my friends told me something about meditating, to be specific, mirror meditating. When i did this i got extreamly scared and depressed, it was like there were too many emotions to fit in my mind at once. Im really scared of harming myself without knowing, but i want a better understanding why im doing this i really would like to know what is going on. if anyone has anything to say about this or has had the same experience, i would like to know anything. im sorry this sounds a bit frantic, but im shaking. its a rush of feelings and emotions im scared, really scared. please some one help anything.
  2. middleofnowhere

    middleofnowhere Well-Known Member

    A couple different kinds of meditating: one is to clear your mind to relax your whole body. When thoughts come, accept them, acknowledge them, let them go. Another is to focus your thoughts on one thing - your hand, something you see in the room, God, a friend. Do the same thing with thoughts that wander by - accept, acknowledge them, let them go.

    I personally prefer to focus on something or someone rather than emptying my mind. When you do that, you run a risk of some very negative thinking.

  3. dazzle11215

    dazzle11215 Staff Alumni

    i didn't have a good experience doing deep meditation, i started having flashbacks to the abuse i experienced as a child, to things that happened that were so traumatic i had repressed the memories for all of these years.

    at the time of the meditation i was able to detach and observe, letting the feelings and memories float away. but in the days and weeks after i was very distressed. my counsellor told me that with time i could integrate all the memories but for now i might consider not doing this particular kind of meditation until i was stronger. so that's what i decided to do.

    they do say you will only experience what you are ready to experience, that you mind will shelter you from the hard stuff, but in my case it was too overwhelming. i needed a more gentle approach to meditation.

    take it easy, take it slow, and if you are frightened then it would be a good idea to stop for now. you can always pick it up again later. hope this helps.
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