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scared of socializing

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by JonathanK, Nov 3, 2009.

  1. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    I was overprotected and never got much of a chance of socializing. What makes matters worse is I've been called creepy on a number of occasions, mostly by women.I understand it, because women are the main targets of sexual deviants, mostly from men, and our cable news indoctrinated society is very paranoid over this and many other things.

    I can talk fine with people that I know, but, lately, when I try to socialize with new people, I'm extremely conscious of how people perceive me. I wish I could look less shy. Its not anything I do consciously. As a result, I put out "vibes" that people might construe as creepy. I was hanging out with my friend Nikki one time and she introduced me to her friends. We smoked some weed, and I felt like I was doing all the wrong things. Everyone knew eachother, and I felt like I was the one who had to prove their selves. Anyway, I kind of just kept to myself and grew painfully introverted, and I only responded when I was asked questions. I was just generally averse, and, during the whole ordeal I got called "freak", "weirdo", "creep", etc. Its really emotionally shattering.

    The other day, I was over at a lending library, talking to some people about politics. I was talking to some different people, and I heard some girls in the back say, "that guy is creepy". I don't know if they were talking about me or what, but I overheard it.

    I don't look at women inappropriately, I keep a distance, I may not make the best eye contact, don't have the best speaking skills but keep a moderate volume, and I kind of have an insecure slouch. I don't really see how it gets misconstrued as creepy, but, in this society, it does. Maybe other people are insecure, and they like to point out other people's flaws to make their selves feel better about their selves. That could be part of it too.

    Its not all women that I get this from and not only women. I've overheard guys call me weird too. When it happens, though, I feel really depressed. Maybe I shouldn't take it personally, but I do. I don't want to come off as some mysogynist.

    I've even stopped looking at Penthouse, but I still put out the same vibes. I'm not really any type of sex fanatic. I just look quiet and reserved, and, automatically I'm assumed to be some sort of weirdo by some people. Its driving me nuts.

    Someone told me I should just not care, act like I'm the shit, and be myself. I think I am being myself.

    I'm scared of people now, and I don't like it. I have a fear of being rejected. Maybe I need to just stop being emotionally fragile or something, but you can't just turn it off. This has been the result of years of situational conditioning. I have a phobia now of coming off as being weird to people.

    Any input would be appreciated.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    It's hard for me to socialize and I listen more than I speak. My only advice is to get back out there and be yourself. Try to socialize with people who have the same interests. It's a slow process but you'll become more comfortable in time.

  3. Datura

    Datura Well-Known Member

    People who judge you so harshly are not only unworthy of socializing with, they are unworthy of being thought about.

    Were you called these names directly to your face? Did you say anything in response?

    You might want to try mindfulness techniques.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I'm an isolationist.. I have socialphobia amongst all my other problems..So I can understand your fear..Why don't you start with your friends and talk to them about it..Ask your female friends if you come across that way.. Ask them for advice when you are in a social setting..I'm afraid thats the best I can give you because people scare the hell out of me..My mind gets all jumbled up with thoughts and I look like an idiot just standing there with them staring at me..I really think your friends can help you with this..
  5. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    mindfulness techniques? I look it up on google. I just heard it behind my back. "Oh the guy is creepy, hahaha"

    You're right though.
  6. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    I'm not really that close to my friends. I've thought about asking them that, but I thought it would make me come across as needy. I guess this would be a good way of testing my friendships. I kinda know which ones are fair weather and which ones aren't. "Shock Me Sane" had a good point with the mindfulness techniques. I need sto stop being so over-analytical and just breathe in and enjoy the moment. Thanks
  7. JonathanK

    JonathanK Well-Known Member

    Thank you Chargette. That's what I usually do too, even when I have things to say. It's so frustrating. I wish you luck as well.
  8. kemistry

    kemistry Well-Known Member

    As I age through life, I've learned to tune out unpleasant stuffs around me. I mean I would still hear them, but I consider them as "noises", no reason to stress over. Most people are judgmental because they are hollow, not just strangers, but even with people we've known. So don't let it bother you, think of it this way, they aren't paying for your bills so why would you give a damn?
    As for socializing, I think it's best to be genuine and patient, And of course, if it's just senseless conversing then smile alot. In general, be a pleasant person.
  9. createdforopinion

    createdforopinion Active Member

    You're preaching to the choir here.

    I haven't had any social interaction with people for over seven months. I've been completely isolated. I'll never be normal and comfortable around people. I've always been shy and introverted, and like you, I've tried to socialize with people and it didn't turn out so good. I don't really have any advice to tell you because I'm still like this, and I don't think I'll ever change. Just wanted to let you know that there's many others like you.