Do you ever worry about where you're going to be in the next five? ten years?
I'm not sure if I'm going to be in the line of work that I like. Will I still be single? What is my relationship going to be like with my friends? With my parents? It all sort of scares me.
I hate the stuff I'm studying right now. Accounting is so boring and I am already in fourth year. Will I have the balls to try and apply to med school? How would I take a rejection from med school? If I get rejected would I try the next best thing like pharmacy? Or would I just stick to the subject of accounting, something I've grown to hate over the last few years. After all, I think the expectation is that I do well - go to med school or get an mba. Or maybe I'm guilty of self-imposing this expectation. I just don't know, but I'm worried.
Are my parents going to be understanding of a career change? That's four more years of school. How would I pay? Lately I've been doing a lot of things my parents wouldn't approve of - behind their backs of course. In the next few years would they find out? Would they try to control me? Would they disown me or what? I'm just about to sign a lease to live with girls from my program. For one full year I'd have to lie about who I'm living with. Have my parents meet my guy friends and pretend they are my roommates. Keep them away from my home in university so they don't find out I live with girls. At some point they're going to know I do this sort of thing, right? What then?
Who are going to be my friends? My muslim friends from my high school days or my non-muslim friends from my university days? I'm not going to lie, I like the latter's company. Is this just a phase? What happens when I graduate and move back home. I've changed a lot. I don't pray anymore, I'm pretty close to drinking. Heh, can I pretend to be Muslim around my high school friends or do I just not hang out with them? I hate having to face these choices soon. How far gone am I?
Will I still be single? I mean according to my friends back home, and my parents, I should be single.............until of course my parents decide to marry me. Do I want that? What's going to happen in the next few years? Will I find someone? Will I fall in love? Will I want to marry them? What is they're not muslim? What if its interracial? Would my parents approve? Would the extended family approve? Would the muslim community approve? Of course they won't. Will I be an oddity, an outkast? Just thinking about that makes me shiver. Who wants to be alone right? Even worse....what if I don't find anyone? What if I don't want to follow through with my parents plans and I'm still single. Am I just destined to be single for the rest of my days?
More important question......am I going to be soo depressed in the next few years? Will I be alive? Will things get so bad that I decide to do myself in. Maybe overdose. Maybe I'll find something more creative? Or will I find happiness? So much uncertainty.....I hate uncertainty....:unsure:
I'm not sure if I'm going to be in the line of work that I like. Will I still be single? What is my relationship going to be like with my friends? With my parents? It all sort of scares me.
I hate the stuff I'm studying right now. Accounting is so boring and I am already in fourth year. Will I have the balls to try and apply to med school? How would I take a rejection from med school? If I get rejected would I try the next best thing like pharmacy? Or would I just stick to the subject of accounting, something I've grown to hate over the last few years. After all, I think the expectation is that I do well - go to med school or get an mba. Or maybe I'm guilty of self-imposing this expectation. I just don't know, but I'm worried.
Are my parents going to be understanding of a career change? That's four more years of school. How would I pay? Lately I've been doing a lot of things my parents wouldn't approve of - behind their backs of course. In the next few years would they find out? Would they try to control me? Would they disown me or what? I'm just about to sign a lease to live with girls from my program. For one full year I'd have to lie about who I'm living with. Have my parents meet my guy friends and pretend they are my roommates. Keep them away from my home in university so they don't find out I live with girls. At some point they're going to know I do this sort of thing, right? What then?
Who are going to be my friends? My muslim friends from my high school days or my non-muslim friends from my university days? I'm not going to lie, I like the latter's company. Is this just a phase? What happens when I graduate and move back home. I've changed a lot. I don't pray anymore, I'm pretty close to drinking. Heh, can I pretend to be Muslim around my high school friends or do I just not hang out with them? I hate having to face these choices soon. How far gone am I?
Will I still be single? I mean according to my friends back home, and my parents, I should be single.............until of course my parents decide to marry me. Do I want that? What's going to happen in the next few years? Will I find someone? Will I fall in love? Will I want to marry them? What is they're not muslim? What if its interracial? Would my parents approve? Would the extended family approve? Would the muslim community approve? Of course they won't. Will I be an oddity, an outkast? Just thinking about that makes me shiver. Who wants to be alone right? Even worse....what if I don't find anyone? What if I don't want to follow through with my parents plans and I'm still single. Am I just destined to be single for the rest of my days?
More important question......am I going to be soo depressed in the next few years? Will I be alive? Will things get so bad that I decide to do myself in. Maybe overdose. Maybe I'll find something more creative? Or will I find happiness? So much uncertainty.....I hate uncertainty....:unsure:
s* I'm terrified of the future too. I get by by refusing to think about it - once I start thinking about important things and decisions, I go into full on panic attack.