Scared of therapy

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Woodsmoke, Dec 22, 2010.

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  1. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    Saw a counsellor for the first time since I started cutting at 17... I'm 24 now. My old doctor just didn't care. My new one does. She's wonderful. I had an initial counselling appointment for an assessment...

    The way she spoke, it seems really likely she wants me to see a real psychiatrist rather than ordinary counsellor...

    I am terrified. My cutting is getting worse and suicidal feelings are growing faster now.

    I don't want to end up in hospital. I am terrified of them. The smell and the sickness and the strangers.

    I can't admit the things that go on in my mind. They'll think I'm a fool. I'm an idiot. Such a child.

    She says the 16 year old that got hurt so bad inside me is the stronger part, while the 24 years old can't get a word in- it just 'watches' and knows what I do isn't right.

    Fearful. Terrified. Want this... to end... somehow. Just can't decide which way.

    Or when.
  2. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    "I can't admit the things that go on in my mind. They'll think I'm a fool. I'm an idiot."
    They won't think that - your pain will be acknowledged. I do know how difficult it is to actually say some things out loud but give it a go - maybe just one thing to begin with?
  3. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    But I told her about my spending my time locked up in my head.... the fantasies that flit through my mind. Anyone would laugh at them!

    I end up thinking horrible things... sick sexual images I HATE them where the hell do they come from???

    It's not normal. It's dirt in my mind, in my blood I am dirt.
  4. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    You are not dirt but someone or something has made you think that way. It sounds like seeing a psychiatrist will help you to recognise that. When can you get an appointment? I know it's scary - I've just been referred to a psych and I am also scared about revealing stuff. I will if you will - deal?
    In the meantime keep safe and keep posting - maybe go onto the self harm forum?
  5. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

  6. Johnnyc

    Johnnyc Well-Known Member

    I have have a similar thing happen it's amazing how vivid these thoughts can be, when it happens to me I just want to rip my brain out to make it stop.

    I tried to explain what was going on to my psychiatrist but she was not exactly sure what I was talking about, maybe it was the wording I used.

    I found what helps, but does not completely get rid of the thoughts is Klonopin, with out it I would not sleep at night, out of self created fear.
  7. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Deal sealed - keep me updated?
  8. Woodsmoke

    Woodsmoke Well-Known Member

    okays- you too. Will be another three weeks before I see the counsellor but I will see my doc just after xmas... meh. Just don't know what she'll say. I don't want her to be disappointed in me after she's helped me so much....
  9. Infortunatus

    Infortunatus Guest

    Psychiatrists hand out pills and counselors actually talk to you. They perform different functions. It sounds like the counselor thinks your problems are severe enough to require pills in addition to talking. Probably she is right.
  10. asking_advice

    asking_advice Well-Known Member

    im not a psychotherapist or psychiatrist but based on my experience and what i read. weird sexual imaginations is caused of unresolved issues and lack of coping skills. before i had these thoughts, the more i confront my problems and learned new coping skills. it started the thoughts disappear slowly.
  11. doityourself

    doityourself Well-Known Member

    I to also have weird sexual thoughts and fantasies, I believe it comes from being abused as a child.

    I do hope you give it a chance, I dont think they will see you as wierd and are paid to be nonjudgemental. Get it all out, dont be embarrassed, dont be ashamed, let them help you and know that it will only help if you release it all.

    Good Luck and if you want to give me a try and trade stories, I will listen without laughing or judging you. PM anytime.
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