Saw a counsellor for the first time since I started cutting at 17... I'm 24 now. My old doctor just didn't care. My new one does. She's wonderful. I had an initial counselling appointment for an assessment... The way she spoke, it seems really likely she wants me to see a real psychiatrist rather than ordinary counsellor... I am terrified. My cutting is getting worse and suicidal feelings are growing faster now. I don't want to end up in hospital. I am terrified of them. The smell and the sickness and the strangers. I can't admit the things that go on in my mind. They'll think I'm a fool. I'm an idiot. Such a child. She says the 16 year old that got hurt so bad inside me is the stronger part, while the 24 years old can't get a word in- it just 'watches' and knows what I do isn't right. Fearful. Terrified. Want this... to end... somehow. Just can't decide which way. Or when.