scared out of my life

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by notwanting2live, Jun 11, 2008.

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  1. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    hi im new to this, but i just need to speak to someone, that doesnt hurt me, and i dont have any emotional attatchments to, well hopefully as i just hurt the people that i care about the most.

    i just cant survive in this world, i get so scared and so alone, even when there are people surrounding me. i keep on thinking, that what if i was different, if i was someone else, would i be in this type of mess.

    i was atatcked bout month and a half ago by a guy from the uk, the police arrested him, then released him, now he is back in the uk, and they have told me to remember that he is already being punished, as he has split up with his 3 yr girlfriend, and that he has lost his home, and all this sh**, and it has just made me feel so small. in the last month i have been arrested 3 times, for trying to jump, i have been admitted to the general hospital 2 times from overdosing, and i have also got put into a mental hospital over here, to see if i am mentally ill, which i have told them i am not, and i was in there for 5 days, and then they told me that i am not mentally ill, which i had already told them.

    ive just been kicked out of home, and college, i have no job, i havent touched alcohol in 13 days, although people think that i have a problem just because i drink daily, but the pressure is so much. i am getting support from many people, but i just keep on feeling that they are judging me, laughing at me, and that they just want me to die as much as i do.

    i havent slept propaly in about 3 weeks becuase i just cant do any of this anymore, everyting haunts me in my sleep, and im scared to do anything.

    anyways im feeling a lot better for writing this, i hope people dont judge me, because, although i am slightly insane, i need help from people who dont no me, and from people who may be in the same situations as me.


    Xx Notwanting2live xX
  2. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    wow you have had it rough :( there are some really nice people on here... people will try to help you . I hope you come back to the site and continue opening up. I am new here too but have found people on the whole to be really supportive and non judgemental. You have done the right thing by coming here.
    Stay strong

  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Welcome! you have come to the right place. You will find everyone here don't judge you. They will give you a shoulder to lean on. I'm sure you will connect with some of the people here.
    You said you were kicked out? Have you got a roof over your head? If not that is the first thing you need to work on. Living on the street is no fun. I was kicked out when I was seventeen. I lived on the streets for two years. I had no where to stay so I took off hitchhiking across the USA. That got old fast. the last time I hitched back to Florida I had a truck driver going the oposite way took a couple of shots at me. That made me decide it's time to stop this shit. I went to my sisters house and she took me in. I had her drive me down to the recruiters office and I signed up for the Marines. They deemed me crazy, so some of the guys in my platoon got a tattoo calling me crazy man. The shrink I saw put me on thorazine. That was the miracle drug back in the '70's and the '80's. It didn't do crap for me.
    Well thats enough about me. If you want privacy when you are talking to someone here you can PM them and talk on the side. Good luck and stay safe!!!:chopper:
  4. notwanting2live

    notwanting2live Well-Known Member

    QUOTE - You said you were kicked out? Have you got a roof over your head? If not that is the first thing you need to work on. - QUOTE

    yeh i didnt have a roof over my head until last night when i went to the homeless shelter, it was scary, i was on the streets for 2 weeks, and over here its illegal, as this isnt the UK. i was scared shitless, becuase of what happened with the attack and everything, so that didnt help, so my sister has taken me in, until i talk to my parents, and she is helping me abit.

    I dont no much about thid forum but how come there isnt any suggestions or solutions to die, or anything? can someone explain. please.

    im going to be talking to my parents tonight so i will let people know.
  5. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    You need to give it a little time. Others will start talking to you when they get to there computers. Do you have a social services there? how about somewhere you can get some help financialy to get you at least a room somewhere. Your sister is being very kind. I can relate. I live at my sisters. I have been here for about six years. We both are divorced. I help her financially, and she helps me with a room of my own.
    She also is my caregiver. She has to keep her eyes on me because I am a high risk for suicide. I owe her alot that can never be repaid. I'm not talking about money I am talking about support, and loving even if I can't show it.
    She got po'd at some of her friends because they kept asking why she lets me live here. She tells them because he is my brother and I love him. Also the money helps too.
    Are you in therapy. If not you need to be. They can help shed light on your disbility. You might want to talk to a doctor and let him decide what is your best option. Well stay safe and stay strong. I am releived that you have a place to stay....:chopper:
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Just checking on you. I haven't heard from you and I noticed you haven't posted anything. I hope you are o.k. Talk to you soon.:chopper:
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