Scared, Sick, Confused...Help?

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I am so scared and sick and confused on what i'm supposed to do...There is this guy who shall remain nameless that i have fallen in love with and he loves me, or so he says, and one day soon we are supposed to be married (i've known him for over a year)...but i'm really scared of him because he is mean and violent and just not right...I don't even know why i love him anymore, why i loved him to begin with...he used to be nice to me, and still is on occassion...He has a good heart and good intentions but he is just not right...

He verbally abuses me in the form of put downs, and no matter what i say, its not good enough...When i try to stand up for myself he says I deserve to be put down because my thoughts and opinions are bulls*** and nonsense and that i'm just screwed up. He tells me to "f*** off" and "f*** you" all the time too when I don't say whatever it is he wants to hear.

He is an extreme racist, he thinks all non-white races, Jewish people, and GLBT people are inferior and horrible. He even told me to "stop being a f***ing d*ke" when i told him i like women, and the only reason i would have sex with him is not because i like d**ks, but because i love him.

Also, he abuses his dogs. He yells at them and beats them- with his rifles. He also threatens to shoot them all the time. He has also done horrible things to people because he got paid to do it. So that makes me wonder- would he do the same to ME if I got on his nerves?

The only thing that's good is that he lives in Oregon right now, however, he could easily come to Pittsburgh...

...I know I should leave him, and I know I should do it NOW, but I'm too scared to, and I don't know how...Because I'm scared for his, mine, and his dogs' safety...I don't know...I need some advice, please...I'm really scared and sick...
you need someone's honest opinion so here goes.
it's obvious this person needs help.
this guy sounds horrible and I seriously hope you think really hard about how your life will be like if you decide to stay with him....or even get married.
what sort of future do you see yourself having with him?
if you have will that be?
you might love him...but you might need to think again..some things might seem right but in reality...they just aren't meant to be.


Staff Alumni
please take your own advice and leave... you have to care for you first... the rest is secondary... please do what u have to to get out of the relationship...


Well-Known Member
A person like that will only get more violent, he might verberly abuse you know, but later on he may hit you.

I'd be very careful with him, and if you're really scared of him coming near you. Then get a court order.


Well-Known Member
ohh, dear...
many many hugs from me to you
I don't know you well and I don't know him, but... I suppose there are only 2 ways:
the first - he will change himself and the attention to you and to the other people
the second - if he won't and if he doesn't want to change (and it's REALLY important) so, you should leave him. Be strong, sweetheart :hug: If you afraid of his reaction, you need to find someone who can protect you (brother, father, friend etc).
Anyway, if he ALREADY scares you with his actions and behavior and with all the words he says to you it means a lot, understand?
I want to hug you in real, dear :hug:
if you ever need me (to talk or something), please, pm.
I will pray for you



Well-Known Member
yes please leave... i was in a relationship kinda like yours... except my ex loved his dogs more than me! he was very verbally abusive i couldnt take it anymore i finally left him... a few days later i actually met his ex girlfriend... he beat the shit out of her right before they broke up... im so glad i left...

please hun think of your future... if you are scared to tell him to leave you alone... put it in a different way, maybe just say you need a break for alittle bit, anything to get him to leave you alone.... any help, im here...


Well-Known Member
Leave him !!!! If he is already like that he could get worse and thats not a situation you really want to be in. If he mistreats his animals too that is usually a bad sign.
Love can hold alot together but this is just not a safe place to be.
End the relationship as soon as you can.
If he still hassels you, you might have to get a court order sorted out so that he cant come near you, or hurt you.

And as he is mistreating his pets I would report him for that as well. That is just not acceptable although he might think it is.
Rainwatcher, I wanted to check and see how you were doing. Did you follow through on any of the things we discussed about doing? I really do wish you would leave him now. The best thing for you is to get out. I am still here for you if you need to talk. I will help you follow through if you have been unable to do it so far. Take care hun. :hug:
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