Scared *trig*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by nonstopnoise, Dec 24, 2006.

  1. nonstopnoise

    nonstopnoise Guest

    Been determined for ages to make it to new year.

    Got it in my head that next Wednesday, exactly one year since my best friend died, I will take a massive OD. Not to die, I don't know why, and I don't want to.

    But when I have not cut for a bit I dissociate and lose conscious thought. I lose time, and have no control. I am scared this is what will happen. I can't throw my tabs because they are medication I need, and I can't tell anyone because that would show that the smile is not real.

    I'm scared. I don't want to. I want to cut so that I know I will be safe from dissociation, but even that is not safe because my blood levels are so low.

    I'm fucked.

    There is nothing that can be said in response to this, I just needed to write it out.

    I'm scared, that's all there is to it.
  2. nonstopnoise

    nonstopnoise Guest

    it's tomorrow

    many more things going wrong

    i can already feel it happening

    already half dissociated, losing control

    my only hope is that writing it out stops it from happening
  3. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Hope you get better. Maybe writing the stuff is a good outlet eh

    :smile: :popcorn: :pirate: :paper: :seehearsp :stretcher
  4. nonstopnoise

    nonstopnoise Guest


    im not ill though, so i cant get better, this is just how i am, and apparently, according to the psych, what i do and stuff is all perfectly healthy, but thanks for the reply.

    I am hoping that writing is enough, but i suspect i may be wrong, i have a counter plan though, so thats ok

    thanks again
  5. isolation/four

    isolation/four Active Member

    Hope the plan works :smile:
    Anyway, dunno, try concentrating on everything having already passed, like on Friday stuff
    or write yourself out :unsure: ^^
  6. blackfire

    blackfire Well-Known Member

    It must be hard on you losing your friend.
    you sound confused and unsure.
    please don't do anything rash.
    take care.