Scared. When / if to call for help

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by sofie, Jan 17, 2016.

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  1. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    My husband just left for his first evening working second shift. This means we will see each other only on the weekends and I will be home alone every evening. I am scared. As soon as he left, the fear that had been bubbling softly under the surface began to come up. Afternoons and evenings are the worst time of day for me, especially in the winter months. <mod edit - methods>
    I keep thinking, "Ok, Sofie, promise yourself that if you <mod edit - methods> and wait for my next therapy appointment....if I am able to restrain myself enough to call for help, I don't need the help, I just need to not be an ass and put <mod edit - methods>

    There is an really feels like that. A huge part of me wants to be done and knows exactly how and where I would do it. But there is a little part of me wondering "but what if you could get past this and not destroy your husband's life"....and that is what I am hanging onto here. I am just so alone. I have on one to talk to about this except a counselor I see every week or every other week. I have a friend who knows I am going through a lot but I cannot go to her with "hey, I want to die all. the. time" -- I cannot put the weight of something like that on someone because that is not fair. But it literally physically makes me hurt to hold this in....

    Sorry for the rambling....just so alone and so scared and so easily able to access a fast end to it is so enticing.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2016
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Sofie,

    I can tell and know how much you love your husband. He is very lucky to have you and likewise. I think you should go to that friend because if she is your friend she won't mind supporting you and helping you in your time of need. Please do not do anything silly hun. We are here for you and you are important!! Ring or e-mail the samaritans, talk here, write, anything to distract yourself. (hugs)
  3. Moat

    Moat Banned Member

    I concur with Petal; it is understand how you feel that way when you are on your own, but remoember that you never have to be. You said your friend knows what you are going through, but you must not think that you are being a burdon to your friend. They would completely understand and support you - the truth of that is evident in knwoing of your troubles and is willing to be your friend no matter what, so go to them or call, when you feel you really need some support. Alternately, you are always welcome to send me a PM any time you need, since I am online a lot of the time and always reply and willing to leand an ear and compassionate word whenever possible, even if it is just to get you through until your hubby gets home. The same with the chat here, it might be a little slow at times but there is usually always someone online that you can talk with, so never think that you are alone. You might be in person, but in spirit you have all of us here cheering you on and supporting you at all times.
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  4. jake.x.99

    jake.x.99 On Leave

    Sofie, listen to that little part of you that knows you can fight through this, win your battle, and spare your husband (and everyone who loves you) the pain of losing someone as really remarkable as you. it might feel like only a small part of you, too weak and ill-equipped to overcome that bigger, louder part that know what and where it wants to do it, but i know that little part -- i love that little part. it is stronger than you believe; it will never give in to the pain you feel, and it will not let you become what they tried to make you. listen to that little part, and fight with it. the world needs you, Sofie. your husband needs you. we all need you. reach out for help whenever the waves start to feel overwhelming -- help is there. call all the numbers, call your therapist, post here, email me, pm me . . . please Sofie. and talk to your husband. you owe him that, and you know there are things he can do to remove the temptation. he will give you strength.
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