It should not scare me....it doesn't scare me...it doesn't....that life is...scary. Tried to make up with a past friend, forget him. I wish I could wipe him from my memory, it hurts that I was so jaded...I look for something, but everything is digging deeper into me. I shouldn't be such a fucking fool. Stupid faith. Stupid hopes and it falls down, feeling fake...no one to talk to and even family is not here...hope I can connect to someone, scared to be alone, scared to reach out. Want to hurt myself really badly, I mean I don't..it's just there, mostly because I couldn't sleep last night and when I get insomnia it ends up making me very sick and tired, mentally exhausted....trying to lose everyone connected to him. He already attempted to cut them off from me. It's pointless to be connected to his friends anymore either.