Scared

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by GabbyE., Jan 30, 2014.

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  1. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    Last night was the closest I've ever come to killing myself. I wrote a suicide note to leave for my husband and 3 sons. That's what ultimately stopped me, the thought tat my kids would live with this for the rest of their lives. But I woke up this morning so angry that I hadn't done it. I don't want to be here. I'm sad each and every morning that I wake up because I hope things will be easy and I will just die in my sleep, keep mr from having to do it. If I died in my sleep my family wouldn't hate me for leaving them.

    I have fibromyalgia. It has gotten much worse over the past few years. I never leave the house unless it's for a doctor appointment. I have no friends or visitors, so basically no link to the outside world. My pain makes it impossible to do much...going out to eat, going to the movies aren't worth it anymore, not after I end up in pain and can't move for days after. This is my life. It isn't going to get better. I used to see a psychiatrist and he pointed out that at least with an illness like cancer for example, you treat it and either get better and live or you don't and you die. This is not how Fibromyalgia works, I just get worse and worse and there is no cure. I've stopped trying to make friends locally because they don't understand why you look fine but cancel when you don't feel well. I have made some friends through an international pen pal site and they are my only link to the outside. It's not enough. I am so lonely and isolated and in constant pain. I really can't do this...I wake up every morning asking what is the point? To sit around all day, again? I also feel horrible for my family, they didn't ask for this, especially my husband. If I wasn't here he could remarry, I think about that all the time. I just don't see any options here,
     
  2. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    Hi gabby and welcome to SF.. Very troubling and tough situation you been in and seem stuck on now!! Hope you can make some friends on here .. Chat rooms also usually have some traffic going on..
     
  3. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    hello, they not give you pain killers strong enough or would that pose risk of getting hooked?
     
  4. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    No, I'm on quite a few medications with several opiates thrown in the mix. Nothing is helping anymore. Constant pain and exhaustion.
     
  5. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    and when you tell that to the doc, what do they say?
     
  6. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    They just gave me more pain killers at my last visit, doesn't change the pain level but makes me so groggy!
     
  7. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    ok, they might say it's too early but briskly go to them and tell them of negative side effects?
    there must be something that will help it
     
  8. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    This is how they treat it, pain killers. But I've just hit a point where I've been on so much for so long they no longer really work. They might have something for the grogginess but that won't really change my basic situation of being in pain and having no life to speak of.
     
  9. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Then you get a referral to a pain specialist one that can help you give you coping skills to deal with the pain you are having Your children will not move on and they will always wonder why you left them There are specialist that help people deal with chronic pain hun get that referal ok
     
  10. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    Ok, thanks
     
  11. scaryforest

    scaryforest Banned Member

    maybe also find and talk to people irl via sites or ads

    and who are supportive of it and can spend time with you and open up opportunities for you, then you'd have people and feel more purpose
     
  12. GabbyE.

    GabbyE. Member

    Thanks so much for your help, I appreciate it.
     
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