Scared

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Concrete_Angel, Feb 9, 2014.

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  1. Concrete_Angel

    Concrete_Angel Forum Buddy

    Although it stopped 3 years ago what happened has really affected me. It was my step-dad that did it. He used to hit me a lot and used to do some sexual things like watch me when I was getting changed. He used to treat me different from my sisters and I didn't understand why, but then I found out when I was 13 that he wasn't my real dad. All that time I thought he was my real dad. I was really upset and that gave me more strength more realization and I argued back more. My mum knew what was going on, well she knew some of it. She used to see me upset and then argue with him. But then he'd get violent with her and shed back down and say sorry and since then she told me to stop "telling tales" when she saw me crying. Then I told my teacher at school.She was really kind and she told social services and I got a social worker. But she couldn't do anything because there wasn't any evidence. It was still carrying on except this time when he did it he'd always laugh when I was upset saying "What you going to do, go crying to your teacher?". I really couldn't cope with it anymore so I made up something to my social worker to make me get out of the house. Well it worked, he got arrested and me, mum and my sisters moved to live with my grandparents. Then I had a police interview and it went really wrong I was so scared! He got released and that day I went shopping with my grandparents and when I came back my mum and sisters had gone, they went back to live with him.

    I'm frustrated with myself because when at first I told my teacher I didn't tell her about some of the sexual things because I didnt know they were wrong at the time, but I do now! Maybe everything would have been better and he would have been locked up for good! My own mum has took his side,he controls her so much I don't understand why she stays with him. She even try a bringing him round when she comes and sees me on the weekend for a couple of hours even though I have made it clear that I don't want to see him.

    There's a party soon with my family and my step-dads been invited, I really don't want to go because I don't want to see him. But at the same time I don't want him to control me by him going to the party and stopping me from going. I don't know what to do? Should I be brave?

    I've been to see a counsellor about it but I've been struggling to talk about it and be totally honest with her. So its not helping. I just wish somebody had a magic wand and wave it and make everything better or get a gun or shoot him in the head!

    Thank you for reading
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there, what you have been through is horrific but I guess it has made you a stronger person. People like him should be locked away from society, they are lower than the dirt on your shoes. The main problem is sexual abuse is extremely hard to prove. It happened to me from a neighbour, I was 12 and he was about 40.Happened in 2002, I didn't report it until 2011. The guards(police) thought they had a strong case for me and I was prepared for court but in 2013 they decided the case was severely lacking in evidence and threw it out the window basically. Try and move on as much as you can hun and don't attend that party if you believe it will trigger you. We care :hug:
     
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