Hi, I'm new here... Honestly, this is the first time I've tried one of these forums... I just needed some kind words right now... Let me tell you a little bit about my life. I spend most of my time alone. My mom died 6 months ago, and my dad barely seems to notice my existence. The rest of my family blames my dad and me for my mom's death (she had cancer)...They hate me and have told me several times that they wish I was dead...I do too. The last couple of months have been horrible for me. I have to keep up with schoolwork and take care of the entire household. No one seems to notice that I exist until I don't do something they want me to (For example, my dad notices my existence when I don't do his laundry) Right now, I'm contemplating why I am still alive. Should I be? I've thought about this many times over the past two years (my mom was diagnosed with cancer two years ago). Was it really my fault she died? Would anyone even notice I was dead? Why can't I just kill myself? WHY do I choose to keep on plowing through life? There is nobody (save one friend) who takes ANY notice of me, and she would easily get over it if I died. So why can't I just kill myself? Nobody would notice...Why do I choose to hold on?