Scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MagicFerret, Jun 30, 2016.

  1. MagicFerret

    MagicFerret Active Member

    I am so fed up of struggling every minute i am awake. I have tried smiling and ignoring my thoughts and feelings for years now. I find it so hard to tell my psychiatrist and even my support worker exactly how i feel. Its been a few years since i overdosed and failed. (another failure). I am scared i will not get through the next few hours. I have planned my overdose better by buying as many pills as i can over the last few days. I have enough now. I had planned to take them tonight and hopefully drift of to sleep and not wake up this time. I have no one to call and am to scared to call 999 as i feel embarrassed and don't want to bump into any of my friends that work in A&E if they were to take me there. I don't know what to do. To be honest i don't know why i am even telling strangers all this on here. I suppose there is a bit of me tat does want to live. I just hate struggling every moment with hating myself as a failure in my life and a burden to my family and friends. The only friend i had that i could talk to died three months ago after taking her own life. I miss her so much and also feel slightly jealous that she is now at peace after struggling with her eating disorders and other problems for many years like myself. Who else can i talk to and tell them exactly how i am feeling. This could be the last thing i ever write. I just wan to sleep and never wake up. I don't even know why i am writing this here.​
     
  2. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    You can choose where services will take you
     
  3. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for the loss of your friend.

    I am sorry that you feel as if you are a failure. Life isn't a win lose scenario. We do the best we can as we can.

    Go to emergency. Bring the pills with you.
     
  4. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    You must choose to be honest, absolutely so if you ever expect improvement with your negative self beliefs. Find someone who will challenge your every word until you start to question and doubt their validity. You can do this.
     
  5. MagicFerret

    MagicFerret Active Member

    Thanks, I am not sure i have enough strenth in me. I am just so tired and almost feel embarrassed to pick up the phone
     
  6. MagicFerret

    MagicFerret Active Member

    Thanks for your help. I just called a local support centre and they have helped me for now. I promised i would call them if i feel the urge. I just need to get through this
     
  7. Striking

    Striking Well-Known Member

    I fully understand the embarrassment you feel. Experiencing vulnerability has that affect, been there myself enough times.

    Flush the pills.
     
  8. MagicFerret

    MagicFerret Active Member

    I suppose there must be part of me that doesnt want to do this. I just feel my life is going backwards and not forwards
     
  9. iServe

    iServe Member

    Thanks for reaching out. I'm here! Yes, there is a part of you that still has the fight to live. I understand that the struggle is real and long. Ending your life will not promise peace. You need a place to regroup, renew and recharge at the end of the day, we all do. Hanging out with friends, doing something fun and relaxing, working out, going to church for some is great. God Bless you with his Peace right now moving forward. Take Care!