Scared

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Dairygrass, Feb 8, 2007.

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  1. Dairygrass

    Dairygrass New Member

    This is my first post on here and I dont know if anyone is going to repsond, but does anyone know of any ways to increase self esteem? I feel so bad that all the decisions I make are bad ones and I abuse drugs and alcohol and I feel like killing myself I'm so sad is there anywhere I can go to feel like I am not a terrible person? God must hate me and is punishing me for my sins and thoughts of suicide how can I accept god when he hates me and wants me to suffer? I can't continue to live like this it's just to much pain, everyone has a breaking point, I told my therapist that I wanted to kill myself and she got mad and told me to think about others like my family and I am thinking about them but they don;t know this terrible pain oh god I wish I would die and never feel anything ever again it's been so long since I've felt true happiness my life is so meaningless I have no where to turn to and if god hates me then what possible joy could my life ever hold? I desperately want someone to challenege these thoughts, anyone who has anything to say , please...
     
  2. Viper

    Viper Well-Known Member

    Hey there dairy welcome. :biggrin: I have the same feeling about how I always make the wrong decisions. I could get into it, but I don't think I will right now. Just know that I have the same thing going on. As far as the whole god hating you. I'm sure if there is a god, then he doesn't hate you. I for one don't believe in god. It has nothing to do with how I feel, but moreso just based on the scientific evidence along with the contradictories of so many different religions. I don't really understand how people can believe in such a thing, but you probably don't want to hear about why there is no god, so I won't get into that either. Some people, like therapists, can't understand that sometimes theres nothing but emptiness and sadness. They could care less and will tell you what you want to hear so long as they receive their paycheck. It's pretty sick to me. I actually think that some people should kill themselves and that it's even the right decision. As for you, I have no idea what is the right decision because I don't even know you. A lot of times though, people think it is right, when it is really not. I know this isn't supportive and I'm sorry for that. I just woke up and I'm not thinking in my right mind. I will try to give a more informative response later on. Peace and hairgrease.:biggrin:
     
  3. bombeni

    bombeni Guest

    Whoa Nellie! Dairygrass I hope you are still looking for some additional input. I am 49 years old, and I can tell you I've probably had about 100 "breaking points" where I thought I couldn't take anymore crap. If you are in your teens or early 20's, those years can be the worst. Learning how to live and fit into the world on your own is a big step that causes a lot of stress. But Dairy we are here for a reason. I sense that you know this life on earth isn't all there is to it. This life is a blink of the eye compared to eternity. God loves you. I don't know that I would use the word "punish" but if you are one of His, and He knows the heart better than you, then I believe sometimes He may let us go ahead and "fall" as a way to get ourselves to seek Him. He has to resort to certain tactics from time to time just as our earthly parents do when they are trying to teach us right from wrong. One thing I know for sure is God does not hate you, He loves you so much that He sent His only Son to take the sins of the world, so that we could be reconciled to God and spend eternity with Him. I don't understand it all, much of it is a mystery. "For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face; now I know in part, but then I will know fully, just as I have also been fully known." 1 Corinthians 13:12. I believe this short fleeting life on earth is all about making a choice; as Jesus said "choose this day whom you will serve" -- our faith is tried in different degrees so that God may know we want to belong to Him with all our heart. I don't want to start a religious debate here; you mentioned God in your posting and I am simply giving my reply. I would be happy to visit with you thru Private Messaging if you are interested. Either way I know you will get thru this. I've learned that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
     
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