Scared

[Alyssa88]

I seem to be the person all of my friends turn to, and thats great, I like being able to help, but I feel like I need to scream. I am always worrying, to the point where I think I my have GAD. I worry about eveything, being late, grades, my health, my friends, my family, money, whether or not I am going to go through with suicide (I won't, I know I wouldn't, but I think about it alot). I am alwys stressed about something. Most recnetly its my friend. He called me last night, crying, he is afraid he has HIV. He has been having some of the symptoms and has been making a fe mistakes. I feel like I have been watching him mke these mistakes over and over and trying to talk to him about it, but apparently it didn't work. He has been doing things that i never knew about. I can't imagine him being sick, he has my life line, he means the world to me. I just want everything to be ok. I need him.

We are going to student health services to get him tested, and I don't know if I can handle all of this. I am not even strong enough to get my own issues taken care of. I just feel like drinking right now, or running away, or burrying myself in work and school like I normally do.

Sorry about the rant, I just can't hold it all in, and I can't go talk to a professional, because I am terrified of that. I can't let someone see me like this, I have to appear strong.

 

[Robin]

It's nice to be the steadfast great oak on top of the hill that everyone can admire, but in a bad storm you run the risk of being broken and uprooted, luckily you are only an oak metaphorically, you have the ability to change and adapt and be able to bend with the wind instead of absorbing it's full force.

Having somone you can talk to is very important, doesn't matter how popular you may appear to be, if you have no-one to talk to about your problems you're going to end up uprooted sooner or later. This is why therapists can help, find a good one and they can help a great deal but it may take getting through a few to find one you really like.

Of course there's this forum, I've personally found it invaluable for the friends I've made and the compassion they have to offer to me and it feels good to give back to them too but for some people (maybe like yourself, I don't know) they need a real person in front of them.

Get the support where you can get it from, I'm not saying pin all your friends down and force them to listen, that could do more harm than good, but there are professionals out there who are willing to discuss a persons private thoughts and who really care about their clients and there are good friends to be made on this board. It's doubtful the latter will cost you anything but the former should be seen as invauable.