Scared....

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rukia, Sep 13, 2007.

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  1. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    If I don't manage to calm down soon, I'll end up dead tonight. :sad: My usual SHing didn't help, and now I'm having a panic attack. I want to die, but not until I'm ready. I'm not ready yet. :sad:
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Breath into a paper bag for a bit, that should stop the worst of the panic attack. What's going on that has you so freaked?
     
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    My breathing is calm, but I'm still shaking on the inside. I don't know why, but I suddenly started to panic. :unsure:
     
  4. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Okay a long walk out in the fresh air is on the cards here. Stick some music on while you walk to stop any nasty thoughts :hug:
     
  5. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I'm weak so I'll let the voices take control for a while. It's dangerous and stupid, but I can't take more pain right now. "They" are really thrilled, and now "they" tell me that I'm a good girl. :dry:
     
  6. JustWatchMeChange

    JustWatchMeChange Well-Known Member

    Listen to the voice of reason. Listen to us. Live and show them all. Believe me, I know pain. It does get better. Are you on meds?
     
  7. Beret

    Beret Staff Alumni

    Hope you feel better soon
    BIG HUG

    :hug:
     
  8. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I don't think it can get better. I've been suicidal the last 7 years, and it's getting worse everyday. I was on meds last year, but they only made the voices more powerful. It's gone to far, "they" wont let me visit my Dr. :dry:
     
  9. Sasuke

    Sasuke Active Member


    I cant say things will get better for you. Its not that simple and anyone that says such things are only doing it to sound nice..

    Some people live miserale lives until they die of old age. good luck though
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 13, 2007
  10. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I can't believe I did this. I've promised myself that I wouldn't attempt unless I was sure it was going to work, and I knew deep down that I couldn't make it work that way. :mad: Didn't think it would make me feel so sick. :sad: I'm doing it the way I planned next time, no more room for mistakes.
     
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    please dont do it?

    your my friend and i need you..
     
  12. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I'm having another panic attack, but I'm not alone so I have to keep it on the inside. Why didn't I do it right last night? I have all that I need for the perfect exit. :unsure: My neck and head hurts like hell, and I'm still feeling a bit sick. I don't want to be here anymore. :sad:
     
  13. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Go get yourself checked out at the hospital hun, just to make sure alls well.

    :hug:
     
  14. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    Hospital? :hiding: They would lock me up and throw away the key if I go there. :unsure:
    My neck only hurts a bit now.
     
  15. TranceAngel

    TranceAngel Well-Known Member

    Rukia, I am glad to see you are still here. I feel the same way about hospitals. I am afraid to talk to anyone on the 'outside' about my feelings because they will see it's their job to 'help' me. No thanks.
     
  16. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    Rukia, I would like to leave you with two quotes. The first is from the Script of "The Last Samurai" the second from the movie. I hope these quotes leave you with a sense of hope, and maybe even a new and more positive perspective on life.

    This quote is set in an orchard of Cherry Blossoms.

    Katsumoto- Like these trees, we are all dying. The future is an illusion, our plans are an illusion, our fears an illusion. We live life in every breath...Every cup of tea we drink. Every word we write... Every blossom we hold. Every life we take......
    Life in every breath. That is bushido. The way of the samurai.

    2) Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
    Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.

    Rukia in order to want to live, you need hope. To me it seems like you are lacking hope. I don't want to be here anymore either, but what helps me get through the tough times is, at least partly, this forum. Helping, or at least trying to help, people gives me a sense of purpose. I think what you need is to set some sort of postive goal for yourself in order to get rid of, or at least alleviate, these suicidal thoughts.


    Take Care Rukia :D

    P.S: Isn't it Ironic that my avatar is Byakuya :) ?


     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 16, 2007
  17. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    I guess you're right, there's not much hope in me these days. My head is getting more messed up everyday, and my stupid attempt made me wanting to die more than ever. :unsure:

    Positive goals? I used to have many, but the only one I have left is this; Staying alive until my 22. birthday. :dry:
     
  18. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    Your wrong about not having hope, one who has never hoped, can never despair. I think you have hopes, but maybe it's tough to admit to those hopes, you don't want to seem weak? What i think has happened to you, is that you have hopes and that people are crushing those hopes?

    Why do you want to die? To end all the suffering you endure?
    There has got to be a way to end or at least alleviate your suffering, without killing or harming yourself.

    I'm curious, what are your spiritual views, if any?

    Why until 22? Besides, that's not a positive goal hun! I could help you set some if you want, I don't know very much about you though. :unsure:

    Do you go to school? We can work from there.

    "While there's life, there's hope."
    Cicero (106 BC - 43 BC), Ad Atticum
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 19, 2007
  19. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    It's not someone, it's something. :unsure: I'm not alone in my head, and the voices aren't nice. :sad:

    The main reason is that I want the voices to shut up, but I was suicidal long before they started bothering me. Can't remember how it started. :dry:

    I believe in God, sort of.

    It is a positive goal, because the voices have promised me that they'll give me more control if I make it until my 22. birthday.
     
  20. Whitewolf

    Whitewolf Well-Known Member

    Voices, don't have a will of their own. Voices can't give you control over your life, only you can do that; because they aren't in control, you are!
    What are these voices? Echoes of traumatic persons or events in your life?
    I think your spiritual belief(s), may be a useful tool that can help you cope with your depression.
    :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2007
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