Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CrazyDimples, Oct 24, 2007.

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  1. CrazyDimples

    CrazyDimples New Member

    i don't want to die. I actually desperately want to live. I want to live life, be happy, have a family and have a meaningful, productive life. I just feel incapable of obtaining any of it. It's hard to explain really... But, in a nut shell, i feel incapable of taking care of myself, being able to be on my own. I can't hold on to my family forever and i'm getting to a point in my life where i feel like i'm forcing my family to resent me for being so dependent on them. I just graduated college and i should have some kind of job or preparing to go to graduate school but i can't bring myself to do it. I've always been a procrastinator, but i feel it in my bones that i can't go off and be on my own. Maybe it's depression thats making me think so negatively about myself, but i can't help but reflect on my life and notice certain dependency trends that make me sick to my stomach. I guess i never noticed them before because i was able to get away with it.

    I am scared for myself. Everyday i feel myself getting more and more serious about ending my life. But at the same time, i keep finding reasons to let myself live one more day. I've read that people who find reasons not to at the very last minute are those who aren't serious about doing it. However, despite what people might say, i am... and it's scary. Why does there have to be such thing as suicide?! I wish the concept just didn't exist... wishful thinking, i know. But whoever thought we'd be in a position like this? i never thought i'd want to end my own life.... it makes me so ANGRY that we have to go through this when there are other people who will never face this in their entire lives, yet we might have these thoughts with us till the very day we die. SO DAMN UNFAIR. People have told me that it will only make me stronger... well what about the poor souls that did go through with it? it obviously didn't make them stronger... not that they were weak, but that this "beast" got to them and got to them good. What if it happens to me? i'm so scared... thanks for reading... i hope the best for all of us.
  2. danni

    danni Chat Buddy

    hun i know its hard going what you are but hopeful we will help you to having a better life hun, i'm here if u need anything.
  3. sadsoul

    sadsoul Member

    Life is unpredictable. I understand how your feeling and I'm going through it myself. One of my main concerns is I won't amount to shit and my life will never be worth living, it sure as hell isn't right now. I'm 24 years old and only in my 2nd year of college. You've already graduated from college, which is one step in the right direction. I know school seems like a chore but if you do go to graduate school you'll push yourself even higher. In theory, good things will attract themselves to you at this point. No mater how shitty you feel keep pushing to better yourself cause in the end it will all be worth it. And if it isn't then you can at least say you tried. Too early to think about ending it when you never know what the time you have invested in your education will bring you. I can't believe that I'm actually telling someone else this because I have trouble doing it myself... although I know it to be true.
  4. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    hun ive Gone through that. !
    i know what ur going through.
    hun dont be scared. really
    i battled my problem by going for walks, excersizes, painting.... anything to distract me.

    go to freinds houses.

    talk to me if u want :p
    im always here. :p
  5. Puddytat

    Puddytat Well-Known Member

    ive been there, i AM there, i want to live and i know ill never go through with it or i hope it never gets to that point because i know there is so much to live for. and even though i feel completely hopeless and useless most of the time i stick to it, taking one day at a time, distracting myself if neccessary just to get by. keep your mind on all those good things you want from the future. the things you want out of life start with a simple dream that you slowly turn into reality.
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