Scared

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lulupop, Nov 15, 2009.

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  1. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    I used to have a massive stash of pills 'just in case'. 2 weeks ago i gave them to my care worker to dispose of. I am now panicking..."what if i need them"

    now i have to have another back up plan and i don't really want another method, mod edit>helena<methods. sorry to post this i am just scared as i have no planned way out,
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 15, 2009
  2. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    Hi lulupop, and welcome to the forum.

    I can understand how unsafe it feels if you must give up something that gives you the feeling that you can step out whenever you want.
    But on the other hand, it might ease the pressure, I mean, if things turn for the worse, you won't be able to do it, in an impulse.
    So I guess you have us now, as back up, as listening hear and supportive shoulder.
    I hope you feel safe here and tell us more about you and what's been troubling you.
    Take care,
    :hug:
     
  3. lulupop

    lulupop Member

    Thank you for replying and welcoming me to the forum x
    I think the reason why i gave my pills to my care worker was to take that option away but now it feels like i made the wrong choice.
    My OH was very happy i gave them away though, so i feel less guilty about worrying him.I still have these thoughts though and find it very difficult to talk 'in real life' to people about it.

    I don't have any friends left as i have had terrible depression and don't go out anymore so they have stopped calling me.
    I feel so alone as my OH only talks AT me about cars, wrestling & computer games (usual boys crap even though he is a 28 year old man!) I really can't remember a time where he has listened to me properly, even though in the last month i have had 2 particularly tough things to deal with.

    My friend took his own life at the beginning of october and my brain is all over the place about that.
    And there has been some things in the news about a man who posed as a 28 year old female nurse (on the net) who was encouraging people to take their lives as almost a pact. I was one of those people who talked to him (i only found out last month 'she' wasn't who 'she' said she was)...it was back in 2006 but it has just flooded memories back from when i was on the brink. I'm not sure if anyone has heard of this man but if you would like to know more i can post the link.

    Sorry to ramble- it has just all come out sorry x
     
  4. helena

    helena Staff Alumni

    I think you might need someone that REALLY listens and doesn't talk AT you...it's not about him, and you have to make it clear.
    I don't know the situation or the person you mentioned, but I guess it must be very hurtfull to find out you have been lied to, or mislead, unfortunately life is full of people and situations like that, but I too just get sick of it sometimes.
    I am so sorry to hear about your friend; it's about 2 years ago that my best friend killed himself, and still i can't forget him or what he did.
    I know too how difficult it is to interact with people in real life, I specially avoid my friends, too difficult to lie or put a mask to them.
    So I really hope you keep "rambling" around here, let it all out and maybe even get to know people that can relate and share the pain.....
    Take good care,
    :hug:
     
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