Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by toffeekitten, May 20, 2010.

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  1. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    I....Im so scared. I dunno what else to say. I have shut the world out. I guess this is my last call for help. I literally held a bottle of nail polish remover to my lips and drank a tiny bit last night. :i'm sorry:
    I just....have no other words to say anymore. I'm done. Im done fighting this. I give up. I surrender and die. I dunno whats happening to me. i'm scared of myself. i....urgh, dont even know why im posting.
  2. DerickLazell

    DerickLazell Member

    I dont know whats going on, but I guarentee I feel the same way right now, ive lost everything. I am in no position to give advice because im at the end of my own rope, but I can tell you I can understand, and im deeply sorry for your feelings. I hope you stay around, whatevers bothering you might be able to be fixed. if you care to talk please do. I need someone to talk to too. Much love to you and yours....

    I was sent this poem, and it lifted my spirits a bit. Its a little reminder that even when you think you are alone.... there are alot of people there for you, so I hope you like it.

    Every single evening
    As I'm lying here in bed,
    This tiny little Prayer
    Keeps running through my head:

    God bless all my family
    Wherever they may be,
    Keep them warm
    And safe from harm
    For they're so close to me.

    And God, there is one more thing
    I wish that you could do;
    Hope you don't mind me asking,
    Please bless my computer too.

    Now I know that it's unusual
    To Bless a motherboard,
    But listen just a second
    While I explain it to you, Lord.

    You see, that little metal box
    Holds more than odds and ends;
    Inside those small compartments
    Rest so many of my friends.

    I know so much about them
    By the kindness that they give,
    And this little scrap of metal
    Takes me in to where they live.

    By faith is how I know them
    Much the same as you.
    We share in what life brings us
    And from that our friendships grew.

    Please take an extra minute
    From your duties up above,
    To bless those in my address book
    That's filled with so much love.

    Wherever else this prayer may reach
    To each and every friend,
    Bless each e-mail inbox
    And each person who hits 'send'.
  3. justmeonlyme

    justmeonlyme Long Time SFer Staff Alumni

    hun you can get though this :hug: i no its hard whats got you here? things will get beter!! i no its hard to see that now but it will!! :hug:
  4. shazwackers

    shazwackers Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to say how much your posts have helped me and my heart goes out to you.....I hope you feel better real soon....big hug...........shaz
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    get yourself off to the hospital for help before you do any more don't deserve all that pain..please seek more help....
  6. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    dont u bloody well dare to do that. i will kick ur fucking arse-got it.
    right listen to me- iv said ur cpn is crap, look what she said yes2day-urgh??

    Georgia if u want help then i will help, if u want act like a prat then go ahead.

    but i will not listen to u pissing about and not helping ur self. I know its hard and ive given u time and time again telling u things and certain experinces that ive gone through. I know ur hurting and i know where ur head is, but babe uve got to step up to the mark and get some different help, other than ur cpn. Ive suggested seeing ur gp, and u said cant get an appointment-so book one. your still going to have the marks-ur arms- to show gp, say what the cpn said to u.

    Also i do believe ive mentioned a& e?? welshpool! get abi or sam to go with u.

    U saying n here bout last night, isnt the way to sort out ur problems. yes u will get advice, sympathy but in the end babe its comes down to u to get some help. Ur cpn not going to do it babe is she? Alot of folk on here dont get the help with a proffesional but babe uv got to help ur self to start with.

    Im not getting cross or angry but georgia i can see what ur doing and i know u need to see someone other than ur cpn uv got.

    Love you dxxxxxxx:Leiaha:
  7. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    its called 'tough love'.

    but i know u can do it xxxxxxx:yay:
  8. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the replies, especially the poem :)

    Donna, dont do what?
    Yes my CPN is crap. Tried to book an apoointment and there are none for about 3 weeks.
    Welshpool doesnt have an a and e.
    I'm tired of being rejected by people, including professionals, I just dont see the point in going to be rejected and told im fine again. they wont do shit.
    For example, I went to see her after attempting suicide three times in a row, and she didnt do anything other than tell me to carry on with counselling. why would anything be different now? :mad:
    There is no-one else I can go to. I have been to my dr several times to say that counselling just isnt enough, but she just refers me for more!!!!

    No-one who has the ability to help me gives a shit! My friends are all I've got and I can't offload on them as its not fair. hence shutting them out.
    Justme, family crap and huge school pressure has got me here. :sad:
    i cannot do this. i have given up.
    Sorry to hear you feel crap too Derick.
    This is taking so much motivation to reply... :'(
    Run out of words. nothing left to say that i havent said already.
  9. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    i know ur pissed off with me and hurt by what ive said ,

    u said drs appoinmt not get one for 'ABOUT' 3 weeks, If its 'about' 3 weeks georgia then u havent actually rang and made an appointment, phone them and get a time and date for apptmt babe. U cant go on as u r can u? I know ur hurting and fed up with no one helping u. would pam go with u to gp is u get a late day appmt? or someone u trust to tell ur gp how bad u really r? Is ther just 1 dr at gp surgery?

    where then is ur nearest a n e? Tonight after 6 if ur struggling babe fone nhs24, if thats what number u have n wales, wat we have n scotland and tell them ur suiciadl or urging to s/h bad. did u find the thing u thought u left on kitchen table?

    Georgia im hurting so much darling for ur hurt and whats happening to u. Ur hurting so much and going through so much at home. then certain things thats happened to 2 friends this week. which neither of them are ur fault.

    I just know from experince no one is going to come to u and offer help, unfortunatly the world sees mental health folk as a 'no-no' subject, just ignor them and they'll go away. well we wont, we need help and bloody well deserve help just as much as anyone else.
    If u have abroken arm it gets a stookie put on, if u have asthma u get inhalers to take, so if u have a mental health problem why not help us then???

    Babe please get appmt with ur gp, fone nhs24 or find ur nearest a n e.

    and even if ur so pissed off at me with my previouys posts i still do love u and care for u xxx:lol!:
  10. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    I have rung them, and they said it would be 2-3 weeks before I could see my dr so I said I would get back to them.
    yes she would, she did in the past and she actually pushed the gp for a depression diagnosis and the dr disagreed. she would go but my mum would not allow it.
    no seen a fair few drs at my surgery. nearest is shrewsbury, i would have to get a lift there. and that woould be almost impossible to do without mum knowing.
    no didnt find it but got another.

    please dont hurt for me, thats why im shutting up, becuase im hurting people yet again. so if i keep it to myself no-one gets hurt.

    im not pissed with you. i love you xxxx :'(
  11. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    babe, have pm u.

    dont give up-look what friends u have.

    ur bro, pam, abi. sam, me........and loads and loads on sf.

    ur worth living, ur a kind, caring peson whos so talented, look at the singing/acting thingy, clubby, bugger 4got name of group!! the one who u just did shows with....... u no what i mean!!!!:stars:

    the musical talent u have is very very rare babe. u love it dont u. U will get ur a-levels darling, believe in your self.

    yes i know all the shite thats happened but u r a wonderful friend and can go on in life. yes it will take time but one day ul find the end of the bloody rainbow. xxxxxx from a worrid friend:reub:
  12. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    dont worry about me. my bro isnt exactly a friend. i wont pass my exams cos al this shit is in the way.
  13. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    ok lets leave ur bro out of equation then,

    ino sumone in ur family said ur crap, ur worthless, ur useless, and so in our heads we get to 'think' all of those things ,


    ur not none of these. ur great, ur clever, ur pretty and u can do well in ur exams!! u just need folk to tell u these things. xx

    its proven and written down, if ur told negative things u believe negative things,
    if ur told posative things about ur self u will beleive ur a good person xxx:IrishDoll:
  14. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    people have been trying to tell me positive things for years. not just one person told me, my mum, my step dad and my nan
  15. PollyAnna

    PollyAnna Account Closed

    as false as I sound when I say that you're going to be okay, I'm right. Don't let negativity overcome you! You just have to develope a positive belief In every situation you're In. You don't have to neccessarily get 100% on your exams, but what you can accomplish on it, makes you do well. What you are going through is tough but having not killed yourself yet makes you tougher! You are scared of yourself because of your condition, but If you lived longer and went through with It, you'll get better. If you need anyone to talk to, I'm here! Love you, xoxox
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2010
  16. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Please don't drink the polish remover.. You will end up on kidney dyalisis for the rest of your life..It's also a painfull way to go..It sounds like you have some good friends here on the forum so please listen to them..
  17. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys, I wont drink it again, it was horrid when I had that tiny bit....learnt my lesson from that!
  18. ballinluig

    ballinluig Well-Known Member

    good morning babe,

    see others do care about u.:yay:

    u can only do ur best on the day with ur exams. just getting up in a moring is a plus, isnt it? so actually going to swchool, doing ur shows etc is really good babe.

    let me know wen ur exams r. xxxxx:Leiaha:
  19. toffeekitten

    toffeekitten Well-Known Member

    thank you. I will let you know. hope you are ok. yes it is a plus xxxx
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