I'm scared I am going to end up in hospital. If I can't win this whole thing then I think I will. I feel I could go either way at the moment and that this thing is going to be the thing that breaks me. I have made plans now for if things don't go my way. I am so sick of fighting all the time but what keeps me fighting is my want to do this course, to do well on it. If that's gone. Then what do I have left?