Scared

[GoldenPsych]

I'm scared I am going to end up in hospital.

If I can't win this whole thing then I think I will. I feel I could go either way at the moment and that this thing is going to be the thing that breaks me.

I have made plans now for if things don't go my way. I am so sick of fighting all the time but what keeps me fighting is my want to do this course, to do well on it. If that's gone. Then what do I have left?

 

[solutions]

Um, why is that a bad thing? I found my hospital stay to be for the most part pleasant.

 

[~Claire]

Would it be so bad to take some time out from your studies/placement? Your issues may not affect the way you treat your patients/clients or deal with your workload but the longer it continues the more it impacts on you & your health. Years ago when I was in my 2nd year at Uni I was having quite a few issues with my health, I was a nursing student & what I was going through had no bearing on my academic work or my placements. However, it was a constant battle for me & in the end I couldn't keep up with everything, my work didn't suffer but in the long term my health & sanity did.

Saying you've made plans if things don't go your way, isn't the answer. Instead of thinking about all the what if's, you need to speak to your tutors & arrange an appointment with occupational health because ultimately any decision (I imagine) will lie with them.

I may be way off the mark here, and I don't know you or your full history. I know you're scared of being hospitalised but deep down I think part of you would like to be admitted. You've said yourself that your family isn't aware of how things are, and if you were in hospital then the element of control is gone, your family would be aware but it's outwith your control. I hope I haven't offended you in any way but I feel like you're desperately crying out for help but are too scared to admit it to a professional. You can't really continue as you are at the moment & if you really want to succeed in your career you will have to be honest.

 

[dazzle11215]

you might have to take time off from your course but it's not gone for good. you can go back.

you have so much to offer. hang on to that. you will be a great social worker.

 

[GoldenPsych]

Being in hospital is my worst nightmare. I have some level of control at the moment. That's gone if i'm made to go in. I've got something to hold on for at the moment. Something to avoid. Something to work towards. I don't if they take that away from me.

 

[solutions]

Wow, the hospitals near you must suck. That's not how they're supposed to feel at all. I mean, it's true that they take control over some critical things, but it's not out of malevolence. It's just meant to be a safe place to be until one calms down and is able to find a solution other than suicide.

I'm guessing I missed the thread that described your less-than-ideal experience at a hospital.

 

[~Claire]

Going into hospital doesn't mean giving up on your career. It may take you a little bit longer to get there, but if you want it bad enough you'll achieve your goals. Plenty of people have been admitted to hospital & maintained a successful career. You're thinking of all the worst possible outcomes, you may not even be admitted to hospital.

 

[GoldenPsych]

I have not been in as a patient but i have spent enough time working in them on most of the wards to know it's my worst nightmare. Also, they don't do anything. It's all about medicating and no work done.

 

[dazzle11215]

maybe sam will know if there's a ward that specializes in self harm. there are inpatient programs in the states dedicated specifically to that. it's different than being on a general psych ward. would you be open to something like that?

 

[GoldenPsych]

No. I will do all I can to avoid going in anywhere like that.

 

[itmahanh]

If you do end up in hospital you need to look at it as a chance to get yourself back on track so that you can get your studies done to the best of your abilities. Right now you are strugling with so many other things, it must be so difficult to really throw yourself into your studies and work. Think of it as a chance to take a break rather than a horrible stay at the hospital. I hope that you being honest and upfront about this (read or other thread) will work out in your favor. It usually when you cant set out goals and safety plans for yourself that you end up in hospital. It sounds to me like you have all that pretty much thought out. Right now you need to show a take charge attitude with the uni personal and the docs. Even if you dont feel it way deep down, youhave to do the best to present yourself that way. Good luck :arms: