scary ass dream for 3rd nite in row..

Discussion in 'Midnight Owl' started by jimk, Oct 6, 2011.

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  1. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    call it my lost dream.. going in circles getting nowhere .. in dissarray and lost car, direction not known.. friends just do casual with me and not helping even a little bit. often without clothes.

    this morning's was the scariest in long time.. disabled son johnny was with me in today's.. he without meds and getting really troubled and short step from going violent.. long involved situation to start when i could not leave my phone number with ppl who would be caring for him for the night.. pen could not work to write.. getting more anxious by the minute.. situtation just got more desperate and worse throughout..

    no one has ever looked after johnny other than me and ex katie in his almost 35 yrs.. exception was the two afternoons yrs ago wehn i got respite care from the state when i attended a depression support group.. those two times he came back in really bad shape..

    next tuesday annual visit from his caseworker from the state which will probably go ok despite the state of washington being totally broke.. on my mind though.. katie my ex having had lots of difficulties for months now an dnot able to do her two nights a week with johnny on a regular schedule. me trying to cut down on the cigs and going without for last two days..

    truth is i ain';t really doing so well.. i need some help soon and i am too frigging pig headed to try and get it adn even if i could the respite for john and me would probably not go well also for both of us..

    got a message in to my therapist tara to call today adn the call will only last couple of minutes cause she is very busy.. telling myself "jimbo , just get over it you old fool.. buck up adn just go on!!! "
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No hun you call for that help okay You can only do so much hun without getting ill yourself You need some rest okay so you call get the help both you and Johnnie needs hugs
  3. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    (( Total Eclipse)) dear and hon you are a very special person. hurting so much and yet you go way out of your way to try and support the other person..

    let's both try our darndest to take care of ourselves is time for us now sweetheart.. love to you.. JIm
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Ya hun will try to take care of US now okay because you deserve that compassion hun that care hugs
  5. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    did a really intense version of the lost dream again last night , tween 2 and 4am.. john was not with me as usual.. and going round and round to places where i could not find my car.. wallet and keys stolen from me anyway... walking up rain filed waterways.. at edges of cliffs and such ..

    scary as all get out.. even visited dick cheney's house and met his family.. gee i am not even republican..LOL finally just sat up in bed and said i am home and that was just a dream.. am ok..

    at least it has been a month since last did this.. that is much better.. Jim
  6. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    I hope you wont hesitate to enroll all the support you can get real life. Sometimes we do that only to realize that our loves one are just looking for an opportunity to care for us. I dont know if this might help you but I had also a phase where I had lots of nightmares. What I used to do is take the time to write down with as many details the one that appeared more significant. Than I would just seat on them for a few days without trying to interpret them at all. Sometimes I would have a series of them after a few days. Then I would go back looking at them and trying to find what they were telling me. Sometimes its a way for our mind to work up solutions when the thinking hat is out of options. I dont know if you like to read but Healing Dreams by Marc Ian Barasch is a good reference.
  7. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    thanks isabel. will take a look for book you suggested today .. looked on kindle and not there but pretty sure barnes and noble will have it.. the theme and similarites of these dreams is always pretty much the same in very many ways..

    therapist tara says to imagine taking them on the tact you would rather they would go during some restful times.. will explore that also.. if they get more often and scarier will bring them up again with T at end of december..
  8. jimk

    jimk Staff Alumni

    had beern quite awhile since had done this lost dream again.. well idiot thinking it is just about time again proved to be way too accurate and real this night.. same old crap.,. on a hill ande cannot find where you parked that old tan ancient celica.. very wet and parts of hill giving way and sliding into the the bay.. unable to tell parents and especially harold my dad what is troubling me..

    this time tonight i saw a high officefr woman in a police uniform with all sorts of decorations and such walk by me.. i hollered in her direction and her guards "i am bloody lost and i need some real help right now..." she stopped and reversed and headed in my direction... fore she got to me i woke up in bed with a startled position..

    wish i had stayed a bit longer in the dream just cause what i wanted and want so much may have finally happened.. will open up dream psychology :psychoananlysis for beginners book a bit later.. think i understand the symbolism more now tonight.
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