I don't know why my thoughts just go from one extreme to another in such a short time. Just a few hours ago, I was thinking so positively and filled with inspiration and gratitude over life. Now, I suddenly had this thought that I will commit suicide tonight because I know what I am going to do. However, the only thing keeping me away from doing myself in is that I want to receive my delivery of my electronic cigarettes on Monday. Doesn't that sound crazy? What will happen when I receive my package Monday? Will I attempt it then? I really don't sound logical and I feel I'm going against my own beliefs. I'm so confused. I really want to kill myself but my guilty conscience is preventing me to but I don't know how much longer I'm going to last. I hate my brain.