"Schizoaffective Bipolar" and I've never worked but now I HAVE to find a job

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by wallflower, Jan 17, 2013.

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  1. wallflower

    wallflower Well-Known Member

    IDK what to do, I think I'm starting to feel depressed and unable to do anything. I broke down crying because my dad thinks I have a defeatist attitude. He doesn't want me to get on disability because it will prevent me from working. I've never worked guys, but I've been in college and did well until now. I withdrew three times in a row, and now my parents won't pay for college. They ARE paying for my brother's college education, but now is "not the right time for you" to be in college, which means I'll probably never have a degree or future. But my dad wants me to get a low pay job for experience, and I don't know where to start.

    I think I secretly have paranoid schizophrenia but my symptoms are so well managed through hard work and medication, that it's called an affective disorder, meaning it doesn't quite fit in with schizophrenia disorders. I've been in remission/recovered so much that my pdoc put me on stimulants, which is pure BS. Because they caused my symptoms to start getting worse than ever before, while shoving the bright happy future in my face of what I could accomplish if I didn't have symptoms of psychosis due to dopamine.

    I've had people tell me I should go into psychology because of my knowledge. I feel degraded when my dad was yelling "baby steps! simple steps! step by step! start small!" it feels like he's undermining my intelligence, and I keep saying that it's not fair that he wants me to find a shitty job but I can't take any shortcuts, meaning he doesn't want me to "Jump into a career" because that's not what he did, he had to work his way up from the bottom and now he's successful. But I'm not him! I'm not him I'm not like him and I don't know why he sets this ideals and advice over my head. Meanwhile, my mom is freaking mental and schizophrenic. Which leaves me completely isolated besides my dad to talk to.

    I broke down and told my dad I had a neurodegenerative disorder, which meant I wanted to appreciate the good things in life while I still can before my illness degrades or becomes worse. He didn't get that either. He doesn't get what I think, and he constantly has better advice for me. I'm sick of trying to be normal! I'm sick of trying to fit in with neurotypical people.
  2. crunchie

    crunchie Well-Known Member

    We all want to fit in, and our parents (at least mine) seem to want it even more. But how about YOU? What do you really want to do? If there was nobody there to fit in with, what would you be doing with your time? What kind of education would you want, what kind of job?

    In the end we are all the captains of our own lives, at some point we will have to decide on a course, and ultimately it´s your job to do so.

    I´m a hypocritical pushover myself, and probably should be listening more to my own advice, but I have tried to make my own way in life.. I´ve just let my parents have too much influence on how I live, and I pay for that everyday. I recommend to take control, do what you can, and what you want. Don´t let yourself be controlled.
  3. Takotsubo

    Takotsubo Well-Known Member

    i think you should go out and find a job. i know you want to get back into the game and continue college BUT! may be you need a break. also since you NEVER had a job. a nice job may be a good thing to gain experience in customer service and how to deal with rude people. also it will test you on how you do in a work force with your "condition."
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    :hug: I'm sorry things feel so bad right now. I actually think your parents care about you a lot. You have withdrawn from college a few times, so now they just want you to get stable and feel well. Suggesting taking baby steps doesn't mean they don't think you are smart. Baby steps are a way to build up our confidence and coping abilities, without becoming overwhelmed...without making us feel we need to give up what we are doing. Baby steps allows us to keep adding things as we master each smaller step along the way.

    Almost everyone starts in a low end job, often in one that is completely unrelated to what they want to do as a career. A first job is almost never our "dream career job." Hardly anyone starts out at the top of the ladder. Even people who own their own business usually start the company on their own and do ALL the jobs - big, little, nasty, fun - THEMSELVES. A first job will expose you to the working world, give you a routine/schedule in your life, and looks good on the résumé because it shows a willingness to do something.

    If you have a dream career, perhaps you can find an office job in a firm or with someone who does your "dream career". You can learn the ropes and a lot about your dream job by observing and doing "support work" for them.

    Maybe you could take a little while and really think over what YOU want, and what your parents (especially your dad) are suggesting. Then you might set some goals and figure out the steps to get there that you can share with your parents to set their minds at rest, too. Good luck, sweetie!
  5. Crimson Tears

    Crimson Tears Active Member

    It seems trying to be normal is the downfall for a lot of people these days.
    Instead of trying to be normal, be an individual and do what you want to do!
    If you can't afford college you can always learn for free :)
    The internet has so much information to help you with what ever it is you want to learn (the whole point of the internet was to share information and allow others to communicate with each other :)).
    If your afraid of getting a job you can try voluntary work. That way you can get some work experience and boost your confidence about getting a job :)

    Don't let fear or anyone hold you back in life, it's your life, live it the way you want too (remember, you only get one).

    For your schizophrenia, you might want to try looking up some schizophrenia cures on the internet or youtube (you may be very surprised by what you can find)
  6. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Almost everyone starts in a job that they feel is "well beneath them." When I was 14 I was mowing lawns, when I was 16 I was working fast food, when I was 19 I was in a corporation. My oldest son started out cleaning tables in a pizza place when he was in high school, and now he is the General Manager over 4 of their stores. If you pick up a basic job for now, you can save up and pick up some classes at a community college to keep working on your credits. As mentioned by others up above, a first job is essential in teaching many of the basics that you'll never really learn in school. If you have been withdrawing multiple times from college, your father could be paranoid about spending money at this time - why not pick up a job, take a break from school, and prove to him that you can move forward and deserve assistance with schooling.
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