by the time i get through typing this my internet will be screwing up on me flickering in and out. i am seriously sick today and the only thing i can do is wait until the doctor's appointment on the 25th. i haven't been able to take trazodone in a number of consecutive days in order to benefit from the medication because i am worried about getting to class on time. i am letting everyone and everything get to me. examples are, a bus driver who does not like me. i don't give a shit about her reasons. i hadn't said or done anything to that person until today after being fed up with it all. a fat man walking by me heard me cussing at her from a distance and lit up a grin. that pissed me off. the n bus driver is one of those types that will drive away slowly from you and give you an evil look. i wasn't sure if that was going on but i was stupid enough to cross behind the bus without knowing if a car was coming. i looked both ways. i was so upset and didn't care if i got ran over. the clothing store that i was going to was closed for monday which made no fucking sense to me. so i wanted to cross out in front of a car and hope that the person fucking ran me over. i have dealt with so much harassment and i can;t take medicine long enough to get by. i had two mexican men yell at me out of a truck and two others on the way home thinking i was a harlot slowing down. i threw a soda can at one and cursed at him and kept walking. so i missed a class today. i don't know what to do anymore. i have dealt with 7 years of this shit because of some fucking supposed relatives whose guts i hate. the only fucking reason why people even care half the time is because of them and the other half is just a bunch of bullies. i just needed to get this out of my system. there is really nothing else i can do. except take my medicine and go to class groggy, wear sunglasses.thats it. i am worried that i am about to snap and i do not want to be institutionalized because i will end up failing my classes.