Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by katiekaboom, Feb 17, 2014.

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  1. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    Is anyone here dealing with schizophrenia? I'm currently getting treatment and I'm trying to get better but it isn't getting better. I still hear them and I still am severly depressed. It's hard for me to even wake up in the morning because I don't want to go through the day knowing that I'll hear them. Knowing that I'll start off alright and end the day feeling like crap. I used to consider suicide, but I don't want to hurt my family and I feel like that would be taking the easy way out. But I don't want to hold on if it isn't going to get better. I need to know that this will eventually end. Can anyone relate? I just need to know that there are others.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    Hi KatieKaboom welcome to SF

    I don't myself suffer from schizoprenia but I am sure ther are many on here who do - if you check out members profiles I am sure you will findsome who can relate

    tc KatieKaboom

  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I do have similar symptoms to Schizophrenia as some other issues are the same and different at the same time. I do hear noise, see things and feel things have not been Dx with Schiz.(have not been honest with the thearpist until very recently, and am going to come clean to the pdoc about it) I'm hoping the issues are just related to Depression or whatever else I got going on in my head. I got all 3 hallucations in one deal... I do feel things move all of the time, I cannot sleep through the night because I feel someone getting on the bed or the bed itself is breathing its not my heartbeat or my breath its different, I feel objects being thrown at me, things poking me, bugs biting me etc. You name it, I feel the floor vibrate constantly. Its hard to deal with. But once I move and move it goes away....

    I try not to think about the noise. If i think about em, they just come roaring back. Its hard to try to get them to go away its like a taunting thing for me they know I'm annoyed with any noise in my head. I do not like hearing anything just pure silence. I would love to do that. I'm always wondering if I forget about them are they still making noises when I'm not paying attention it it but focused on other things? It comes and goes. There are days that I do not notice until I think about it then they just come. So annoying. Its like a record over and over again. right now its just white noise, click click click like a merry -go-around and the riders are just saying ha ha ha over and over again if I think about them they just say haha today. I never understood those noises and would not know how to describe them everyday its a different thing. This was the best way for me to describe it right now as I'm typing its a new noise new musical sound to it making me feel its like a flatline type of thing with little bounce to it IDK! lol. Now its a upbeat irish tapdancing thing...The catch is ... I'm deaf so I do not understand what voices are telling me but I can picture it in my head sometimes matching the noise.

    Seeing things is not as bad as the sensations and the hearing things... seeing things I can just rationalize it away.... mostly its my fear talking but do feel always being followed around by a dog-like creature its not a dog. I do think its a dinosaur. I dont feel threatened by it at times but there are other things I do feel threatened by is whenever its dark outside I see too many shadow creatures. I cannot stand the dark. I sleep with my lights on and will get upset if someone turned it off on me when I wake up in middle of nite. I do feel like a huge bear-like creature is coming out of the woods and charge at me. I see the shadows move the trees and I'm just walking faster to my car or back into the house and slam door. Its scary.

    I turn on as much lights as possible at nights. and am uncomfortable if the lights are too dim. I want as much light as possible. LOL.

    hear ya about waking up and not knowing how bad it'll be I'm not on medications myself as had bad reaction recently to one and am so hestiant to try it but which is lesser of two evils, voices or medications I"m still at the fence about it....

    its hard to get my arse out of bed and be motivated, as I do not enjoy materialistic things, am not into any hobby myself I'm just keep telling myself its for the money, to pay off the car then do whatever I wanted. I am just trying to think myself as a car, that needs food to fuel itself, clothes so it doesn't rust and get cold, etc.... So ill keep going.
    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 17, 2014
  4. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    That sounds terrible. I'm sorry that you are going through that. Have you tried therapy without the medication? It is good that you know that it isn't real. I still have problems with that. I guess it's because I don't want to think that I am actually crazy. Defense mechanism. There may be other medications that you can handle, you should probably ask your psychiatrist for a different kind.
  5. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Thanks, I'm in thearpy without medications currently. My thearpist has been trying to encourage me to see the psycharist since nov n I saw the pdoc in jan, I've been avoiding the topic of voices seeing things n feeling things as made it clear to thearpist I'm not willing to talk about it as it's too embarrassing for me to deal w it. Reality does bite. I cannot camp in the woods like I used to when I was a kid. I kept half of the campground up by yelling AT the shadows to go away 2 summers back. My family have family reunions in woods every year n I just go home at nights once its dark because I'll just keep seeing things n freaking myself out. I'm aware they're not real but at same time it's scaring me. Trying again next week. I'm at the fence of trusting a doc tho
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    By the way are you feeling any better
  7. youRprecious!

    youRprecious! Antiquities Friend

    Katie - I was diagnosed as going through a schizophrenic episode about 20 years ago. I can relate to your fears about "them" - but I promise you with all my heart and the truth I've since brought on board, that it is possible to coach your mind into becoming your best friend...... imagine how liberating that would be! I know it's a journey, and I understand that it might feel at the outset like climbing a huge mountain, but there are significant signposts along the way that maybe you can't see yet, and they do appear when we start the walking - having someone who you can trust to be your Guide really helps :)
  8. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    I'm glad fish and I understand you hesitation. I'm still feeling pretty bad. The medication that I'm on isn't helping, but I'm trying to stay optimistic. Precious I am leaning on my brother for support, but I hate doing that to him. He is dealing with a lot too and I feel like this is just an extra burden. Hopefully an increase in the medication will help.
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    hi Katie. I know someone from this community who has gotten tremendous relief from the right medications. Please know this can happen. Actually I have read someone elses post saying he too has gotten tremendous relief from medications. The right medications, in the right dosage, can be such a great relief. Please keep trying and trying. Never give up until the right combination is found for you. You are not alone. So many very gifted and wonderful people have grappled with this condition. It is not who you are. It is something you grapple with. Please keep posting. :hug:
  10. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    Thank you flowers, that was very nice. It is hard to distinguish the difference between myself and this problem. The line gets blurred sometimes, especially when I am depressed. I recently increased the medication and it appears to be helping so I'm feeling more confident about ending this. Thanks for the support everyone.
  11. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    yes, I can understand that it can be hard to differentiate between one's thoughts. And the thoughts of the condition. Also, I think it is way too common that people think of ourselves as being the diagnosis, the condition. It is sadly way too common amongst most cultures that we are defined, and therefore define ourselves by our challenge.

    I thought of you a couple of days ago when I was at a mental health website that has a forum area for schizophrenia and schizzoeffective disorder. I will post the name of the website if you want to check it out. I do not know how active this area of the forums/website is. The website itself is very active. I am not suggesting this instead of coming here. But just if you want to reach out to more people. Please keep coming and posting here at sf. We need good people :hug:
  12. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    A link to that website would be great! It helps when you are able to talk to people who are going through the same thing. Thank you flowers :)
  13. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    the website is called psych central. you can google psych central forums. If you look through the forum area you will find what you are looking for. I did not check to see how active it is. I hesitate to put links here. Because it slows doen the posting process. For safety reasons they check links before posting them for everyone to see. It is done to protect people. Because this is a very safe place. If you google schizophrenia you will find other forums as well. there also is hearing voices . org They have a forum area.

    But please do keep posting here.Because I know there are people here who do or have grappled with this as well. :hug: for you.

    Last edited by a moderator: Feb 23, 2014
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Psychlinks is an educational forum if you go there and type in schizophrenia they have all kinds of information on it ok
  15. katiekaboom

    katiekaboom Member

    thank you and I will continue to use this site. Everyone is so nice nice and supportive here :)
  16. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    glad you will continue to come here :thumb: :yay:
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