I have been on Christmas break for the last month until today. Over that month I had the odd suicidal feelings and my regular depression but it wasn't as bad as it had been for the 3 months before that. Today I started back to classes at university and now I just want to die and have it end. Within 5 minutes of sitting down in my first class I just wanted it to end. The anger, frustration and hopelessness just came flooding back. I hate having to take these classes that I'm getting nothing from but I can't just quit because I've invested almost 4 years and a debt of $35,000 into a place that is a trigger to everything. I'm smarter than half my profs, I just can't memorize things as well. I overheard a girl saying that she normally gets 90's but in classes like animal behaviour and evolution she gets 60's and 70's. These are classes that require you to take info and then use it to find your own answers to things, you know, actual thinking. This is my strong point but most of University is all about memorization and then spitting back out the answer on an exam or in a project. My life has and does suck in all facets but my intelligence. Everything else was nonexistent but at least I figured I was smart enough to be what I wanted and make decent money and maybe that would make things better to work on everything else. Now I'm totally screwed and don't even have my intelligence to support me. Someone is going to die and it is better that it be me.