School is overwhelming

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Evan1, Oct 12, 2016.

  1. Evan1

    Evan1 Member

    I can't stand waking up every morning and going to school anymore! It's so physically and mentally exhausting. I can't pay attention and everything's pissing me off. My grades are lowering and I just can't find the energy to do my homework, study, or concentrate. It's really hard to listen to whats going on when all i can think about is killing myself and getting it over with. The only thing I look forward to is going home, but when I'm home I'm so anxious knowing I have to go back again the next day.

    I can't do this anymore its ridiculous. So hard for me to even pretend i'm happy in class. Especially gym class. My teacher makes us run so much I nearly fainted and puked today. Been thinking about faking sick so I won't have to go, but I know it'll be a pain in the neck later. Need a way out. Recently, i've been fidgeting so much. Every second i'm either furiously tapping my fingers, clicking a pen, or biting a pencil or my nails. I'm so impatient and irritable. UGHHH everything's getting on my nerves! Constantly feel like punching a wall. Can't take it. I hate being here.
  2. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    I'm sorry Evan, is home-school an option? I don't know what level you're at right now so my question may not apply. Hugs.
    Evan1 likes this.
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Talk to the school nurse or a counselor if such an option exist if you are not comfortable having a discussion with your parents. I am sorry you are feeling this way. It is a torture in that situation.

    Take care Evan
    Evan1 likes this.
  4. howardTX

    howardTX Active Member

    OH MAN. I have Totally been here before! I don't know where you live or anything but you might let your primary physician know you have these problems. There are some medications out there that are much better and less addictive than adderal that you might consider. (again, you would have to check on the physician, psychiatrist, insurance, ect.) I lived through this hell all through school and collage. I found ways to cope but they were probably as distractive as what you have listed above. I was brutal to myself physically and mentally. I had pretty much created like the meanest coach or boss or parent you could come up with to make myself study, do better in school and finally graduate college. Well, it did work, but now all these years later that darkness is still present doing the same thing when I am not living up to whatever standard I determine I should be attaining. So now at work if I am not doing the best at something I think I should be excelling at, I mentally berate myself. After seeing a counselor and taking an ADD quiz, that I passed with FLYING colors, he said I had a pretty good case of ADD. We traced it back to around the 4th grade and at that point I really started to have the issues you mentioned. I didn't have the exhaustion but I did have the inability to pay attention, easily distracted and was pretty bored with what was going on in class, therefore my grades went from all A's to slowing slipping each year. In addition to these new characteristics I started to feel different than everyone else because I was one of the smartest kids in school to "that goofy kid who fidgets, doesn't pay attention and will at times become quite annoyed." I wish they knew more then than they do now about ADD or ADHD because I finally got some help after one lost job and about 5 years because it became hard to hide everything. I'll have to say that I am MUCH better with my focus (not perfect but getting there), my distractions and well... working on the hostility, but it is a process and I feel much better than I did over 5 years ago. I don't know if it is more difficult to tell someone that you have some of the Attention Deficits you mentioned before but I can tell you it was one of the hardest things I ever did when I told my physician that I was feeling very depressed. He treated it like any other ailment, put a plan together and never looked back. I hope and pray you do the same thing... I don't know how old you are but I tried to kill myself when I was in High School. It did not turn out the way I expected and did some damage to my body. You have probably heard it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and in your case, I pray this is the case. Get some help with your ADD symptoms and if you don't get better then focus on the other self destructive feelings you have. Don't ignore them because I suspect there is more to those feelings than you are willing to share at this time.. and I TOTALLY get that. Again, I have been in your shoes and wasn't able to tell anyone about thing that create my darkness until I was in my mid-40's.
    Take care of yourself!
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