School issues...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by K3, May 15, 2007.

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  1. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    School issues... Possible Trigger

    I'm having trouble.. Or I always have done.. Going to school, its so tidius.. I just don't want to go, but now the education welfair officers are on my case.. And if I don't go.. They'll prosecute my mom...

    I had my mom crying in the car erlier on because I just couldn't go to school.. I felt sick.. Really sick.. She ended up telling me the story of the boy who cried wolf.. I stayed quiet when she said it because I was ashamed that I made her cry so much.. She kept saying that she'd go to prison.. I couldn't handle that.. I'v told my anger management person... That if anything happens to her i'll kill someone.. But iv never said to another living soul, apart from her that if she left my life.. Got taken away, i'd lose it. I'd kill everyone around me, in school.. In city.. I just couldn't live.

    She said I'd never get a good job though... I mean... All it does is make me feel worse and worse and worse.... I end up cutting my arms all over to try to let out this increidble pain iv got inside of me, its all rageing up.. Its like, when you do it over and over.. A weight has been lifted off your shoulders a little... But then my mom found out about it, she wanted to take me to the doctors, to get some help for my depression... But when I went the doctor had a go at me..

    Saying stuff like "Oh you won't be able to do this.. Or this.. Or this" I wanted to punch him and say "Shut the fuck up! Its not about this this or this, its about helping someone you stupid fucking iddiot!"

    Have you ever looked around you and realised that every single thing, you could kill yourself with.. I mean, I looked for tabs.. I want to OD or something.. If that doesn't work, i'd run into the road and get hit by a car... I mean, I was coming home today... And I kept looking for possible ways to kill myself.. Different roads... Thinking about different things.. Knifes... My Katana?... OD?... Hit by a car?... Drowning?... Anything to get me out of this life... It's so pointless...

    So now as I sit here, wanting to die.. Realising that all my friends around me have slowly left me because of my depression...

    Cutting my arms once agian... Listening to the same tune that depresses me so much...

    I have one thing that'll always be with me, thats how much I want to...

    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2007
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    That thing about the doctor and what he said to you.. That sounds exactly like my fucking mom.. All she *cared* about was that i wouldn't get into fucking exchange if i had scars up my arms :dry: she doesnt know ido it now though so mm.

    I'm sorry to hear that it's like this for you.. good luck
  3. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    What does it matter if I can't get into stuff?... I don't care... Only on here do people know the half of my problems...

  4. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    My Joshyboy! :hug: :hug: :hug:

    I'm still furious about that doctor and I know I'm only a little girl, but if he'd live around here.. I'd.. :censored: NOBODY can treat my friend Joshyboy that way, and especially not doctors who are supposed to HELP you, not ... doing THAT! Dickhead. :mad:

    you know I'm here for you anytime Joshyboy, you can always email me and nudge me on msn, as soon as I'm actively around my screen I'll reply then. (if msn doesnt fuck up) and otherwise you can always beep me in chat if I'm in there.

    I love my joshyboy :hug: Nobody may hurt him, or I'll get really mad. :mad:

  5. K3

    K3 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Ishy.. <3 My Ishy-bishi :p

    I'm feeling slightly better now.. Better than I was before... *hug 's to everyone!
  6. Sa Palomera

    Sa Palomera Well-Known Member

    that's good to hear sweetie :hug: :hug:
  7. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    I'm glad you're feeling better hun...and I'm sorry about the doctor. I know what that's like, and it does suck. But you just have to tell yourself he's wrong, I guess. Some doctors are only really good with physical stuff, and the moment it gets into feelings they're just out.
    Anyway. I am glad you're feeling better, and if you want to talk or anything I'm here too. I see you in chat a lot :tongue:
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