school ruined me

Discussion in 'Bullying and Violence' started by meagainstme, Jan 12, 2007.

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  1. meagainstme

    meagainstme Well-Known Member

    starting high school really was the thing that has done this to me.

    in primary school i was so happy and friends with everyone. then i hit high school, everything changed. i couldnt make friends, i wasnt top of the class anymore and my parents were spliting up at home.

    then i made friends with this one girl. and she became my best friend, then suddenly she really did just turn on me. she randomly hated me and started to turn people against me. she killed me inside. i was pushed so far that i lost all sense of myself. this is when i started to cut.
    i couldnt even bring myself to leave my room anymore. and then when i did manage to make it into school the teachers were a pile of shit. at this point all i wanted was someone to ask me how i was. but no one ever did. and i was so isolated.
    then i moved schools and things didnt get better. i was seen as ''different'' and i knew i couldnt be my true self and became even more distant from everyone. once in class, someone had wrote ''rachael is fat'' on the wall where i sat. grrr.
    i hate how i still think back to that.

    lots of shit like that happened.

    and to this day i remember it all. every last hurt feeling inside of me lasts.

    everyone since high school has fucked me about as well. seems im jst destined for this.
    i just cant cope anymore.

    i think if one more person hurts me ill jst be tipped over the edge. im balancing right now, and im getting unstable.

    i just wish some people would realise how much they hurt people. i know i havent been through as much as alot of people, but i am still dying inside.
    i cant handle life anymore.

    im alone.
    and i cant do this anymore.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 12, 2007
  2. kath

    kath Well-Known Member sorry im not having a very coherent evening tonight and so i dont have many wise words to say or anything greatly but i just wanted to say welcome and let you know that i read your post!!!!!im sorry for what happened to you in school.i was teased sometimes too but the things you described in your post must have hurt you so much and im sorry they clearly still do.Well done for being brave to post this.You may feel alone but please know that we are all here.And keep posting if it helps.And please know you can PM [private message] me anytime if you need/want a friend.

    Hope to see you around and that hthings get better for you.

    Take care
  3. Ruby

    Ruby Well-Known Member

    I HATED school so much. It made me depressed and I ended up in hospital for depression at 16. But hey, anything is better than the hell hole that they call school. School was the worst time of my life. It still haunts me now and I'm 19.
  4. Tatara

    Tatara Active Member

    I can relate.

    even now (at age 25) I still consider things that I do or won't do based on the image the "highschool kids" would judge me on if I was to be seen doing whatever it would be in front of them. I'm not able to let go of the falseness I had to become in order to survive the laughter, betrayl and seering pain every time I received disapproval in my highschool days.

    Even alone in my own home I have problems doing excersize videos to lose weight because if they knew that I was doing that, I would be ridiculed. I have trouble letting loose and enjoying my husbands goofy humor because if I participate in it I would be ridiculed. I can't swim comfortably because if they saw me in a bathing suit I would be ridiculed. Every peice of clothing I choose must be highschool-kid friendly to avoid ridicule. I walk on the other side of the street so that my ugly self won't offend the highschool kids eyes should they happen to view me.

    I am not living a full life because in order to survive I had to be something else, I had to have no emotions (because emotions were ridiculed) no flare (because anything different was ridiculed), no imperfections in any single way.

    Even now I still pull out a cigarette whenever I see a group of teenagers walking by, thinking that the self-damaging "I don't care" attitude will save me from their radars.

    Highschool molded me wrong. Undoing it is a large task that I am still struggling with so many years later. I wish you the best, I can't offer any advice but I definately relate.
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