School=torture

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by CursedBrokenDoll, Sep 4, 2016.

  1. Tomorrow I have to go to school again, and last week it was already terrible while it were only 2 days. I'm always standing alone there while the other people are standing in their friend groups and having fun, and probably laughing with me bc I'm standing alone. It's even worse bc it are the same people as 6 years ago, I mean this is already going on like this 6 years long (actually 11 years if you count primary school with it), everyone at school knows me for the biggest loser, I have no friends at all, and yeah I'm so sick of it. Friday morning I was standing on the playground, and I just wanted to kill myself right there bc I didn't want to be there. It kept going like this the whole day. I know that I shouldn't focus that much on the other people, but it's just so difficult, also bc it is already going on like this for so long, and it only gets worse. It's a wound in my heart that gets deeper and deeper, until...I die? I just don't have any idea how I'm gonna survive tomorrow :'(
     
  2. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    You will survive tomorrow. Because you are strong. Because you a precious. Because you are WORTH IT! I was certainly not in the IN CROWD when I was in school either. Could count my friends on one hand with fingers left over. Try and remember a couple of things. First, school is not forever. Second, would you truly want to be friends with people like those you describe. You sound too kind to want to hang around with them. They are the losers. Not you.
     
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  3. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, don't worry about anything. I know school can be tough but you just try to be strong. Yes, you are getting the perception of people hating you but that's your perception (self-paranoia) which we all suffer from isolation. Can you go to the library at breaks or join a geek society (sorry for geek terminology folks.!!!) just help you make friends.

    Honestly you having nothing to fear as if people want to act stupid, then let them. If you have a smart phone then talk to us if possible as long as you are not using the school's wifi just in case they monitor internet activity and identify you from your activity on this forum.

    You need to try to relax and not panic at others looking at you. Stupid question time? Do you dress different to bring attention or the norm? I not trying to nosy but just thinking if you dress different then that will bring attention. In no way, I am judging you but trying to understand your peers thought process is... I am in no way asking you to change your appearance but understand the situation.

    I am sorry, if I have caused offence but it was not intentional. If you don't want to answer, I understand.
     
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  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there & welcome to SF. Thank you for sharing a bit about yourself. I know how tough school can be, it was torture for me too. But remembr it doesn't last forever and you will go on to meet new people and make new friends. Is there as chool counsellor that you could talk to? OR a close family member? I really hope tomorrow is not asbadas you expect it to be, you deserve better. Keep us updated please.
     
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  5. Yes I dress a bit different and special, but I only do that since half a year ago, and it gives me more confidence. If people look at me bc of my look, it makes me happy to feel special then, and a few times people on the street complimented me bc of my look and one even wanted a picture with me. Unfortunately the people on my school are all people so they won't compliment me very soon. But it's not my look that I think people from school would laugh with, it's just bc of how I am, that I'm not social and have no friends, and and my bad reputation that I have from the time that I dressed 'normal' and boring.
    And no you didn't cause offence at all, it's ok.
     
  6. Tomorrow I have an appointment with my school counsellor, I can talk good with her, and she already tries to make school less tough for me, but she can't solve it all of course.
     
  7. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    You can do it! I just finished high school and know all about being the odd one out. I joined marching band my freshmen year (Band nerd alert!). I was told those would be my newest 100 best friends but it turned out that I was just like you. I was the one they made fun of and spread rumors about. It was not always fun sitting on the band bus by myself or better yet having someone else forced to sit next to me because there were no other seats. They loved that! It wasn't always fun when I had to eat lunch by myself either but how I got through it was finding that one person that I could talk to. For me it was my yearbook teacher. She was always around and she was the easiest to talk to. I could tell her everything. So I really encourage you to find that one person at school that you can trust, maybe it is your counselor. If you can spill your dirtiest darkest secrets to them, trust me you will feel lots better. I wish I could tell you that it gets better after awhile but I can't. people are harsh and mean and they really just don't care about people. I want you to know that if I made it through with only a few speed bumps then you can do it too! I have a ton of faith in you! Let me know how it goes!
     
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  8. It was ok today, I tried just to do everything and not think too much. My school counsellor is very helpful and I can tell her a lot, but I don't dare to tell her my darkest thoughts and emotions (or not anymore) bc I will only feel guilty about it afterwards. And maybe I don't trust her enough for that, bc I don't trust anyone.
     
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, at least your day went well. Perhaps when you use the forum, you can get into conversation with the others here and perhaps with one of the moderators you reveals these dark emotions. You can use the private diary function to write your thoughts. Take care and keep posting here.
     
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  10. Briezy

    Briezy Well-Known Member

    Hey there. I am glad that you were able to talk to her a little bit. I really encourage you to find someone you can be true with. It was one of the biggest things that helped me to get through school and life for that matter. I am glad your day went well. keep posting!
     
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