Scientific Proof That I Should Lose Hope

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bright1, Jul 8, 2009.

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  1. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    I've been feeling a little strange all day. My heart felt funny and I was shaky. I had a sudden impulse to go to the range and shoot my gun, which I haven't done in a year for fear I would point the thing at my own head. I went to a Toastmasters meeting and acted like a nut, something that I always do when I'm upset and trying not to show it.

    Afterward I go to dinner by myself. I'm one of those people that can be perfectly content to eat by myself with a book or magazine for company (usually). I was thinking of how sick I am of trying to be pleasant and nice and to make friends; maybe I should just be a cast-iron bitch all the time and save myself the disappointment.

    So I'm reading an old issue of Scientific American. An article said that we are less likely to make a significant change in our lives between 30 and 60, that even with a major life event to help us along, we're usually stuck with the familiar. In other words, I have been widowed at the worst possible time, in my 40s, because I can't remake my life.

    Also, the article talked about how few people manage to make even a moderate change in their life. It used a term, false hope syndrome, to describe people who try to change something hoping that one change can lead to other good changes, but it never works out. It gave the specific examples of quitting smoking and losing weight. In other words, I'm not going to get this weight off, which means that I'm never going to be attractive to anyone. Sure some loser of a guy might settle for me, but I'm not willing to settle for someone who would settle for me. That means I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, probably.

    It was all I could do to get out of the restaurant before I burst into tears. I've been crying ever since. Why am I putting myself through the torture of getting up every morning when there's no hope?

    I might write my suicide note tonight.
  2. odnox

    odnox Well-Known Member

    I'm 42 and feel just like you do.

    I find that when I actually write out my note, it helps me feel better. I guess the fact that I won't be there when it's read make me let it all out. Getting it all off my chest helps. I've written dozens of suicide notes over the years.

    You're not alone.
  3. attack_amazon

    attack_amazon Well-Known Member

    It's not fair to yourself to give up because of something someone wrote in a science magazine. 20 years ago they were saying we'd all die of global cooling, now it's global warming. These stories usually don't contain all the relevant information they should, and often they don't represent complete research.

    The main thing is that most people never realize they have a problem or take realistic steps to solve their problems, so they see failure and decide that's it. You don't have to do that. It's frustrating, I know, and it's hard to change your life, but it is possible, if you really want to make a change.

    Are you seeing a therapist? Maybe you could bring the article to your next meeting and discuss it with him/her.
  4. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    All my therapist ever wants to talk about is why I haven't gone back to work yet.
  5. confuzzle

    confuzzle Well-Known Member

    Scientific fuckers.
    Why do they keep trying to fit everything into little identifable terms and boxes?
    Moderate change? Hell, what's the criteria for that?
    Is tying my shoes moderate change enough? How about getting in a car crash?

    The point is, don't let other people try to tell you that you aren't gonna do something or change something. Sure, we have an age difference, you and I, but every day you are here gives you another 24 hours to be a different person if you hate the one you have been so far.

    Hope it helps
  6. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Quite the opposite of what I read about the most successful people. Most selfmade multimillionares and billionares didn't even start the business that led to their success until after their 30's usually in their 40's and 50's.

    I myself only just now at 45 got serious about my life. It isn't much but I went from homeless a few years ago to having just now bought my first house. I think we can call that a "significant change"
  7. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    That article is bullcrap if you ask me. I know lots of people that have started second careers later in life and they are much happier. Like Right U R Ken said there is a point were you get serious about life and that usually happens when you realize what is important to you and what your really value. I am sorry that you feel bad about yourself but to that I would say you can change the parts you want and chances are there is someone out there is someone that love you just the way you are! I live in Los Angeles near Hollywood and the most beautiful people are the most unhappy as far as I can tell. I also see many people that have second careers and they are so happy now so it give me hope. I think that article is only part of the story so please keep your mind open to other possibilities.

    Love ya B
  8. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Your therapist is supposed to be there to help you. Tell him/her that this is important to you and you want to talk about it. If they don't listen, then find a new therapist who is willing to talk about the things that are bothering you.
  9. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    bright1 please don't do this... that article in the magazine, it's not about you, it's not about any one specific person, it's about people of that age group as a whole and so many individuals do extraordinary things at your age. you're writing is one thing that many people don't do, so please don't assume you're just another 30-60 year old like they have in that magazine. and to be honest with you - the statistics in that, are probably wrong.

    it's you that has to make the difference if you want to change okay :smile: and you can do it, you just have to try and that's the hardest thing. trying will get you everywhere. do you have a motivational book that always gets you in the mood to do something after you read it - or maybe a film? that would be a great way to get your mind working, get it full of thoughts and things you can do to change and get better :hug:
    please keep trying hun! xxx
  10. bright1

    bright1 Well-Known Member

    Well, I'm still here with no suicide note in hand. It always helps me to get some sleep. Thanks for all the encouragement, everyone.

    Maybe my problem is that I've been talked out of pursuing my dream with 100% effort. I would love to write fiction full time and to make a little extra money as a speaker and workshop leader after I achieve some success as an author.

    But everyone tells me that no one goes about it in this way. I'm told to find a job or a way to make money doing other things like PR writing, web content writing or brand journalism, and pursuing these other avenues is not leaving me any time for my own work. Maybe other people can work 8 hours and then write all evening on their own stuff, but I don't have that much energy--we can all see that when I post my suicidal thoughts late at night, when I'm tired.

    So I'm going to give just working on my own projects for a while and see how I feel. Thanks for helping me see that this might make the difference for me. You guys are great.
  11. Brighid Moon

    Brighid Moon Member & Antiquities Friend

    Bright1, I'm 44 and quit smoking. I'm putting in a "gym" outside of my little trailer because I plan on getting back in shape and losing 50 pounds or so. I'm not listening to your article,, I suggest you don't either! :biggrin::wink:
  12. TBear

    TBear Antiquities Friend

    I started some of the best changes in my life when I was 40....

    I'm 48 and have only picked up momentum!

    In the last two years, I have lost 25 pounds, changed careers, but most of all changed attitude and focus.

    I am finally taking my life back after many years of abuse, paralyzed by fear...

    The article was obviously basing the cases on correlational evidence and any statistician can tell you correlation does not mean causation!! You don't have to be like one of the crowd - you aren't ....You are here aren't you!

    :blink: :rolleyes: Keep searching and trying! Persistence can win out.
  13. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    "No one goes about it this way." It sounds as though someone has predetermined expectations for how you are to live your life. Maybe underneath those expectations is worry and care for you...maybe they worry that writers often barely scrape by until they become famous, and until that happens, the pay can be disastrously low. But no one else is living YOUR life. You can try things out however you want. If it doesn't work, you may have to try something else, and then maybe something else, and...just keep trying.

    "I'm told to find a job or a way to make money doing other things." I think this is an extension of the worry/care I mention above. The positive thing that I notice in what they're saying is that it's still in your "line of interest" - writing, although not fiction. That's more supportive of you and your talents than you might see because you are in the middle of the situation.

    How about some sort of compromise? Part-time work that gives you some money and allows you some time to write fiction? When you become a well established and top selling fiction writer, you'll be able to devote your whole working schedule to it.

    "...pursuing these other avenues is not leaving me any time for my own work." I understand that time is important for any kind of artistic endeavor. I truly think these people are only hoping to safeguard your well-being UNTIL you are in a position to give all your time to fiction. Many people don't think of writing as a "real" job because they don't understand how much time and effort it actually takes.

    Life as we live it these days requires money. Lots of people do a lot of "lesser" work, or even unrelated work, at pay the bills until they can establish themselves in the profession they want. There are ways to be an artist, actor, writer without starving, but it involves sacrifice (perhaps compromise is a better word) on the artist's part. You could perhaps take a contract position and save some money so that at the end of the contract, you still have some money to live on, and loads of time to write. There are various ways around the issues you've presented.

    Keep going. I'm sure you can make it all work somehow...Just keep at it, hun.


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