Scouse's space, I guess..

[ScouseJM]

its a lovely day today hun, maybe you could do something else that will make you tired, like go for a walk or read a book in the sun?
Then you might have something to tell the kids about when you talk to them next.

ive just come back from the shop it was horrible, i dont wanna be out there, dont wanna see daylight and esp not the sun. my blinds are closed 24/7

 

[ScouseJM]

I feel sick, all those things keep goin through my head that I know are goin on but are left untold, I feel like in one of those movies where they try to make one person think and feel and believe that theyre insane and need to be locked up, only that Im bein made believe and feel and think that the things are not happening, when I know that they are. I have a twisted mind and my sould has been broken.

 

[ScouseJM]

I try to surpress these thougts. to push them as far to the back of my mind as possible, but theyre always there.. and these moments like right now are the worst of all, when i remember all the ways ive been shown im no more than a worthless, meaningless piece of shit.

 

[famous.last.words]

Hey, you are not worthless. you are a fucking excellent person, who has helped me so much, and so many others.
Never think that, because you ARE NOT WORTHLESS.

 

[ScouseJM]

then why does god keep showin me that i am in everything that happens to me and others do to me? im so ashamed of myself, ive always tried so hard believin i was doin good things, but its all been a waste. i should have never let myself believe that i was doin the right things.

 

[ScouseJM]

i feel so disgusted, and disgusting. i want him to see how much im sufferin, i want him to fully understand and feel just how bad it is and how much he controlled the final straw that led to me bein completely broken.

im gonna be sick

 

[ScouseJM]

sigh.

 

[ScouseJM]

yeah so much for that. thats done with then too. great. not.

 

[ScouseJM]

fuckin shite. every time i talk to him at the moment i act all happy go lucky and i dont even know why. what the fuck am i playin at. it was ok the way it was before why am i puttin on this mask now?? i dont even do it intentionally, it just happens when i talk to him. why why why. fuck fuck fuck.

 

[ScouseJM]

why the fuck am i acting like this??? i was goin crazy before desperate to talk to and now that i have i feel stupid because of the way i was, i dont want him to get the wrong impressions, i hope he didnt believe any of my shit. for fucks sake im such a piece of shit

 

[Abacus21]

for fucks sake im such a piece of shit

No you're not. You're a brilliant, warm-hearted person, who does the best for everyone she meets. Your mind is saying you're a piece of shit, when you're at your lowest. We, though, know that you're a brilliant person, and will stand by you. And, as SF sings this to you, feel how much you're loved and cared for here. :hug:

 

[ScouseJM]

I feel so cold. So cold physically that Im shakin, so cold on the inside that Im dyin. Your words are so kind Joe. Im goin to click on whatever sf is singin to me now haha

 

[ScouseJM]

John, in a way I wish I had your bravery and intelligence.

 

[Abacus21]

Who's John, hun? :hug:

 

[Spikey]

* Here for you Jazzy girl!


XXXX

 

[famous.last.words]

i just want to let you know im thinking of you hun
:hug:

 

[ScouseJM]

thanks for all the replies in this thread so far, everyones really kind.

**********************************


i do wonder how helping people always gets me in the postion of everyone being against me, even the person i helped. :wtf:

 

[ScouseJM]

it is amazing to see how little appreciation there is. one person, ok. so many though. i dont feel like helping anymore, i dont feel like offering support anymore, it obviously counts for nothing.

 

[ScouseJM]

i hate fake people. if u have a problem say it to my face, if ur too much of a coward to say it to my face, dont fuckin talk about me behind my back. its disgusting and it makes this world as horrible as it is.

 

[~PinkElephants~]

it is amazing to see how little appreciation there is. one person, ok. so many though. i dont feel like helping anymore, i dont feel like offering support anymore, it obviously counts for nothing.

it doesn't count for something. you talked to me when i was down the other day and you understood where i was coming from. im sorry if my thread got taken the wrong way. I never said no one supports people but I've been here for 2 years too long. I hope you don't stop trying to help people. That would suck.