Scramble brain

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by possiblyeuphoria, Nov 13, 2015.

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  1. possiblyeuphoria

    possiblyeuphoria New Member

    I'm starting to just let life suffocate me. The ground is trying to swallow me whole. I'm too busy hating myself to even pay attention to anything else that is going on, it's a terrible war inside my mind. I feel myself getting sicker and sicker but no one understands the amount of pain I'm in. I put on the greatest front but the truth is, I'm the loneliest girl in the room, I feel so disconnected from my family and friends but I can't help but alienate myself. I'm alone here in my own mind. There is no map & there is no road.
    I truely hate myself.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hello, possiblyeuphoria. I'm glad you have joined our site and I hope you meet some people here who will be friendly and supportive for you. I'm sorry you are in pain and feel so alone.

    Lots of members are familiar with putting on their happy face for others. It's very hard for others to understand how much we hurt if we hide it from them. If you haven't already, perhaps you could try to talk to your family and friends and let them know how you're feeling.

    Also, I can't tell your age from your post...but if you are in school, college, uni, maybe you could talk to a counsellor there? They can be very helpful and understanding - they know all about the kinds of stress and issues for people at that stage of life. If not a counsellor, how about your family doctor?

    I don't see anything worth hating in your post...in fact, you sound very likeable! Maybe as you get to know us here, you could tell us more about why you feel isolated and what things are adding to your loneliness. Welcome to SF! We might not be in the same situation as you, but many of us do understand and relate to you. Be safe. Please know that you are cared about here. *hug*
     
  3. possiblyeuphoria

    possiblyeuphoria New Member

    Thank you Acy,
    I'm a 27 year old female. Unfortunately for me I've been in and out of therapy for awhile now and I just cannot seem to stick with any medication because it's just not working for me. To find the right medication takes time and money. Sometimes I think only the privilege can be insane because they can afford it. It's a known fact inside my circle of friends that I'm depressed but I really just don't think anyone cares enough...maybe they don't understand that it is that bad but I contemplate ending my life every day and that for me is normal now. I keep trying to tell doctors and other professionals that it's ADD and borderline personality disorder but I'm just not getting anywhere. Daily tasks are extremely hard for me so I just don't understand why I suck so bad at living and trying to be and adult. I substance abused for quite some time and now that I have nothing to fill that void, I find it hard to enjoy life. I guess I spend too much time hating myself in order to let anyone in because no one gets it.
     
  4. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hello, possiblyeuphoria. I'm sorry that meds are taking time and money - that can be a concern, for sure. Have you been able to stay on a drug long enough to find out if it works? Or have you found that they don't work and the doctor says it's time to change them, and then you start something new, and that's ending up costing a lot and meanwhile you're not feeling better yet?

    Depending on where you live, on your financial circumstances, and on the meds being prescribed, some pharmaceutical companies have programs to help pay for meds. Some doctors are very kind and good at getting samples for patients in need too. If you wish, you could PM me your location and the name of the meds, I could look for you to see if there's a contact for your area. No guarantees, but might be worth a try.

    Some professionals prefer not to definitively label a diagnosis - some people have some symptoms but not enough to fulfil the diagnostic criteria. Have the professionals explained why they are diagnosing you with those disorders? Maybe you could ask why you have x, y, z symptoms but not the diagnosis and see what they say. And you might also ask how to deal with those aspects of your symptoms - "what is your treatment plan to help with _____________?" If you feel you have ADD and borderline personality, what sort of treatment are you hoping for that you're not getting?

    Depression can definitely make the activities of daily living harder. I've been known to make very detailed lists of chores/errands and I do them little step by little step if I'm feeling scattered or stressed. If I'm having trouble doing things, I try to do at least the "essentials" - personal hygiene and laundry, eating, keeping bathrooms, kitchen and kitty litter clean. A routine helps me, too. When I get out of my routine, I begin to feel frayed.

    Again, I didn't and still don't see anything to hate in you. Sure sounds like it's been kind of a struggle for you lately. I don't think you deserve your self-hate.

    I hope maybe something I've suggested or that someone else offers here might help. There is only ONE of you in the universe. Be kind to that unique person, OK? *hug*
     
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