Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by MadeOfGlass, Apr 6, 2010.

  1. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry to anyone who has had to deal with me when i've been on here the past couple weeks. all i've been doing is focusing on myself, when there are people who have much worse problems and situations than my own. i didn't recognize that and i'm sorry to anyone i may have said the wrong thing to or ignored.

    i've also finally taken some of your guy's advice and i've been hinting that i may have started drinking/may have been taking pills/may be suicidal to a friend. this person i've known for a couple years, but in the past year we've become more like sisters. so i trusted her when i finally told her i've been seriously considering suicide. she told me, "seriously? no one wants to hear all your sorry, sad, death bullshit." it crushed me a lot, and it's all coming down.

    currently i'm in a strange hotel in the middle of nowhere. my parents decided our family needed to "bond", and in order to do that, we've gone antiquing for three days. they said this would refresh our lives, and give us all good family memories. i'm currently using the internet in an empty hotel room while they left me alone. they're at happy hour right now. for some reason, this "vacation" is just making me feel worse. it took so much out of me just to not break down sobbing at dinner last night. also, i've come to the realization that there is no normal human kindness. we're all too self-centered and disconnected. <--don't ask me how i came to that realization, it's too long a story.

    my mind is so strained, and i feel like i'll just snap at any second. sorry for being such a burden to everyone on this site.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No not a burden and if you can go outside and scream it helps take some pain away. Your family cares for you they are not self centered they are trying to bring some life back to you some good memories. I hope you try to enjoy what is around you and hold your family close to you okay use thier love to get you through I am sorry your friend does not understand depression but if you are having these thoughts then time to talk to your doctor and get meds changed up or call crisis to help you Your family needs you to be well okay don't leave them with pain don't do that.
  3. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    That is a disgusting thing for a friend to say. Or anyone. People don't deserve to be spoken to like that, to have their pain invalidated. I hope she isn't always like this.

    She is wrong. There's nothing wrong with the way you feel. You're hurt, you have the right to feel hurt. Being depressed doesn't make you a bad person. You can't compare your pain to others' pain either. As my mom said, "shit is shit".

    I hope you can find real support.
  4. MadeOfGlass

    MadeOfGlass Well-Known Member

    They are, though. They say it's for the memories but they don't mean it. It's hopeless to even try and bring any life back. I can't talk to my doctor or change my meds because I don't take any. To say my parents would be pissed about my even considering suicide would be an understatement. I tell them nothing about everything, because they just don't get it. They are too busy with their own lives to comprehend anything about me. They still think I'm their perfect little daughter. I'm tired of trying.
  5. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    could you write down how you're feeling and give it to your parents to read?....
    they really need to know you are so may shock them and they will want to help you...
    maybe they realise all is not well with you and that;s why the trip for memories..