I'm so sorry to anyone who has had to deal with me when i've been on here the past couple weeks. all i've been doing is focusing on myself, when there are people who have much worse problems and situations than my own. i didn't recognize that and i'm sorry to anyone i may have said the wrong thing to or ignored. i've also finally taken some of your guy's advice and i've been hinting that i may have started drinking/may have been taking pills/may be suicidal to a friend. this person i've known for a couple years, but in the past year we've become more like sisters. so i trusted her when i finally told her i've been seriously considering suicide. she told me, "seriously? no one wants to hear all your sorry, sad, death bullshit." it crushed me a lot, and it's all coming down. currently i'm in a strange hotel in the middle of nowhere. my parents decided our family needed to "bond", and in order to do that, we've gone antiquing for three days. they said this would refresh our lives, and give us all good family memories. i'm currently using the internet in an empty hotel room while they left me alone. they're at happy hour right now. for some reason, this "vacation" is just making me feel worse. it took so much out of me just to not break down sobbing at dinner last night. also, i've come to the realization that there is no normal human kindness. we're all too self-centered and disconnected. <--don't ask me how i came to that realization, it's too long a story. my mind is so strained, and i feel like i'll just snap at any second. sorry for being such a burden to everyone on this site.