Why do I go on like this? I NEED to sleep. I NEED to eat. But I don't want to. Life lost its meaning when mom died. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DIE?! WHY! Is it god's attempt to punish me for not believing in him earlier? Everyone I love seems to suffer. They would be better off without me...obviously. Maybe god is trying to punish me by making their lives bad. I sound so selfish and egoist...Don't I? Things would be so much better if I was GONE. G-O-N-E. Yet I persist to stick around. I dunno why. If someone came up to me and offered to kill me, I'd say yes. I just can't do it myself. I should be studying for midterms right now. I don't feel like it. I can't help it. I'm just drowning in tears. And there's nobody. Nobody to help. I just want to die...But I can't kill myself. Why am I such a chicken? All it would take would be a dose of pills, and all my suffering would be over. WHY CAN'T I DO IT?! I decide to continue living like a ghost. I don't slack in anything and I get all my work done, but I don't want to. I just want to take a nice long nap...the kind you never wake up from.