Screw It-I Give Up, I Am Getting Off Of This Ride

I know I have posted stuff like this before.....but, now, I have had my fill.

I got a not so friendly reminder of my troubles just now...and quite frankly, I have lost the wind out of sails.

With all the crap that has piled up, I am not capable of getting past these things.

I will not allow myself to become homeless....but that is where I am heading.

I am so tired....mentally exhausted and emotionally drained.

I dont want to hear people tell me it's going to be ok. I dont need to people to tell me that my loved ones will miss me. I know that.

But I can't....I just can't do this anymore.

I don't even want to.

 

What's going on? What was the trigger?
The only reason I got out of bed today was for a job interview.
I don't have any loved ones who will miss me. I have a very unloving group of relatives.
Feel free to PM me if you want.
You're on the computer, so you must still be at work. That's good.

 

hi. is there any way i could help? not sure, but if you think of anything you can ask me. i have some contacts in illinois - but not sure where you are (ill is not little...)

and if you just want to talk - pm me. i am in and out today - but i am on here regular as clockwork - and i read every pm. . .

i read all your posts, and i think you're very nice, and i am so sorry for all you are going through. i care what happens to you. :console:

 

I know exactly how you feel, I really do. I'm about to be in the same boat as you as well as my kids. It feels like you cant take another breath nor do you want to. I just got out of hospital from my lastest attempt. And no one there could see the all mighty better solution to my problems either. So back here, doing all I have left..... trying to hang on once again and trying to help others that are facing their own pains and demons if I can. It sucks, it really really does. So nope I'm not going to sugar coat it and say it will all get better and damn rights the people we love are going to miss us and hurt horribly if we succeed. Just wanted to say hey I understand all too well and I'm willing to listen if you want to let a huge load off your shoulders. If not then can I atleast pass along a huge hug and let you know you're not alone.

 

The damned thing of it all is that I thought I had my method down pat. I just did a little research and quite frankly my method would not have worked. As a matter of fact, actually killing onesself takes some doing, and I have come to find out tools.

I dont want a gruesome death. I would prefer to die in my sleep. But sadly that option eludes me still.

The trigger for this latest onslaught of an overwhelming desire to cease existing, is the same triggers as before. Just with each passing day I come closer to loosing it all. And I suppose I will. Scratch that, I know I will. I am out of luck and quickly running out of time.

 

Well I wish I had the "magic wand" that would help you and me and all the others that are where we are. It really doesnt feel or seem fair at all. Just do the best you can to hang on hun that's all anyone can ask of you. And if I can help you in anyway to hang on then dont hesitate to grab my hand and let me help you.

 

Thank you!

 

Hey Forpetesake,
I agree with Carla, I am always here if you need a shoulder to lean on..I too have those thoughts so I won't be a hyprocate and tell you everything will be o.k. Just know we are here and we would gladly lend you a hand!!