Screw it

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jht9663, Dec 5, 2011.

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  1. jht9663

    jht9663 Member

    I'm not at the point yet that I've decided on being dead, but I can't wait for the release of all this tension building up in my life. I am involved in so many activities, which are fun, but both time-consuming and effortful. I can't quit any activities because that would either seriously impair the other members involved or jeopardize my future (if I end up having one).

    I don't know what to write- it seems like I don't care about anything but to help others. Which is good and I want to help but I understand that the "me" has to come first. Then again I apparently don't understand that, because I'm so focused on others that I'm losing myself. And if I spend too much time writing this message or being online not doing my work/homework, then I run the risk of a chain reaction- i.e. not leaving enough time for work leads to having to do everything at the last minute as deadlines approach.

    Sorry this was a ramble. I don't know what to do though. It seems like the resolution of tension is nowhere in sight. Except for the summer of course, which appears a long ways away. Then I can finally end it.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you take a few minutes of each day and just do something for YOU okay just something small even so you do lose YOU hun
  3. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome - it seems like you have a lot to live for. Maybe creating stress? But if quitting or limiting an activity would impact the others involved, what do you think your death, (especially if by suicide) would do to them.

    You can find a lot of support here, Stick around here and keep posting. There's a community of caring individuals, and probably one or more has experienced what you're talking about.

  4. jht9663

    jht9663 Member

    The point of taking my life in the summer would be because most of the activities end before the summer. So they wouldn't affect many people. Also I am doing stuff every day just for me- little things like eating chocolate. But then I feel bad about myself because I should be doing work instead of eating chocolate or whatever. For example I have a presentation in public speaking class tomorrow which I have not started preparing for. There are just so many things to do! I just can't handle it.
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