Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by blacktears, Jul 7, 2009.

  1. blacktears

    blacktears Member

    RIght now my emotions are too much to write with a single word or phrase...angry, sad, overwhelmed, hateful, negative...and all towards myself.

    I feel like such a screw up. I try to make people happy and i fail miserably. I hate my body, i'm screwing up there, I hate myself, I screwed up there, I hate how I can't trust, so i screw up relationships. I burn, I cut, i starve. I'm a f@cking selfish bitch.

    The names I've been labeled by myself, my own inner thoughts: Bitch, fat, selfish, screw up, outcast...and now unstable.

    I was labeled unstable by my mom, my friend...and now myself.

    I can't even do the assignments my psychologist gave me to i feel like i'm screwing up there...i just feel like i'm in a confused jumble where all i do is screw up everything.

    i feel like my mind is going to explode...i get headaches all the time...THINKING gives me a headache...and the names...the names that keep echoing in my mind, with everything i do. Screwup, bitch, fat, selfish, outcast, unstable.

    My whole life feels like it's been depression. My childhood...the things i did were disturbing. I came to terms with death in 7th grade. It's all just been escalating. My psychologist tells me it's hard to let go of the familiar, but that I need to think of what it's like to be happy, but have I ever BEEN happy? It feels like i've been born into depression and it's just been dormant for so long, just peeking through in some actions that i did.

  2. yursomedicated

    yursomedicated Chat & Forum Buddy

    Hello Blacktears,
    It seems like you have been through a lot of hard times. I know that there are many people here you can talk to, including me. I would suggest seeing a therapist if you currently are not. You can PM me, or if you have an msn I can give you my name. Stay strong and be safe.