Screw you world.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SplinterStar, Nov 10, 2013.

  1. SplinterStar

    SplinterStar Active Member

    I'm not gonna lie. I have no self esteem, I hate myself. I'm usually wrong about everything, and make mistakes all the fucking time. I am so tired of being wrong, and carrying this anger towards myself. This anger wasn't originally aimed at myself, it was aimed at the world. The anger was aimed at the fuckers and assholes that are so smug and think their right all the damn time. It was the anger at the stupid fucks that ripped me off 3 dollars more than they had to at the corner store when I needed to buy milk, watered down milk at that. I hate you world, and I don't know why. Every inch of me wants to punch the guy that cut me off in line and take his damn wallet. But what is a girl to do with all this anger!? I tried boxing and it broke a man's face. I tried medieval hobbies and sword fighting, and no-one would face me. they were terrified of me when I berserk. I was too angry, I was too destructive. My family tries to save me, to "help" me. I'm too angry to be saved, I have no where to put this rage, I don't know where it comes from. I'm too angry to think or function, so I do the only thing I can do. I turn the anger into myself, I hurt myself. I yell at myself, tell myself how much I deserved to be skinned and shot. The self hate is so much it makes me fall apart and cry. It's like radioactive poison, leaching into my soul. when the anger fades even for an hour, I feel tired. I'm so tired of carrying this shit inside me. I just want to lay down and die, and sleep forever because I'm tired of the burden. I feel like a dead shell heated by anger and frustration. I'm so tired...
     
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    anger is tiring, so I can relate to that. I was angry for a while and I think I still am in some cases. So much that it even appeared in my dreams. I am not so much angry with myself, more with other people but I am very judgmental of myself. I expect so much of myself it's not funny. I am learning not to do that so much. But it's hard, and I try to catch myself when I'm too negative but that again is hard, yet I try.

    Trying should never die, even if you make mistakes or fail, you just keep doing it until you win, until you do it right...what else have you got to lose? if it's too tiring, take a break. Do something for yourself, anything that brings you peace and happiness even if it is small...then get back on the horse again...