I screwed my life up bad. I used to be a good kid in elementary school, smart, I knew what I was going for in life. Then something triggered in my head when high school started, everything went to shit since then. I started skipping school in grade 9, 2 weeks after it had started. I'm scared of crowds, it just drives fear into me, so I thought that would be the best way out. Come next year, I failed grade 9, of course. I started to cope with crowds though, and I eventually did pass grade 9. I lost all my friends, so I was alone that year. I just felt so alone all the time in a big world, and in grade 10 I started skipping again. I eventually just dropped out altogether. Recent times, I've been trying to find a job but I'm just so afraid of being judged by others. I have a girlfriend, but we're fighting. She's the only thing that keeps me moving forward in life, she understands my pain but we're fighting recently. I don't want to go into details with that, though. I can't keep friends, I usually end up fucking everything up. I don't know what to do, my life feels like it's in shambles. I sit here all day doing nothing of worth. I live with my uncle, but I think he's starting to get fed up. I don't know what to say, I can't help how I feel. I screwed my life up, and I've been thinking of suicide lately. I don't think I could bring myself to do that, it's just the thoughts of it are tearing me up inside. I have nobody to talk to, my family are not near me, we don't talk often. The only person I've ever told personal feelings to was my girlfriend, but if she leaves me idk what I'll do. I don't know why I came to a public forum, but I'm just feeling screwed up today. I'm just lonely in this world, jobless, no education. Fucked up every aspect of my life I could, and I don't think there's anything further for me to fuck up on, so what can I lose by posting here.