searching for a former clarity

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by AlexDanish, Oct 27, 2009.

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  1. AlexDanish

    AlexDanish Account Closed

    i'm not sure where this thread goes, so i'm just gonna put it here.

    thats my first problem - i can barely concentrate anymore. when i go to forums, i normally know where to put my threads. i'd read through the list, and find it. but now it's like everything is a haze, i'll "read" something but it won't really process. :(

    anyways... i don't know what disorder this is, if it's even a disorder. but theres something wrong with me, i can tell. when i read books, or lines, or things on the computer. its kind of like i dont really read it. or i dont really process it. unless someone explains it to me, or im in a completely silent environment.

    i used to be able to focus on so many things at once. i'd have an earbud in one ear, the tv on, reading something on the computer, and somebody could be talking to me. now, if i do more than one thing i get confused.

    i procrastinate waaaayyy too much, and its hard to start homework. i lose things, like my pencils, and my wallet and dont really know why. and i forget some of the small things. i dunno if its something with my memory or what.

    its kind of like im in some sort of haze. and things... they havent lost their flavour, but things just seem so painfully neutral. all grey. i dont feel violently sad, or extremely happy. but everything seems hazy. :sad:

    i dont know what it is. its just my memory and concentration. it feels like its going.

    its like a warm summer night, and it's all foggy. things used to be as cold and crisp on a winters night, but now its just hazy. in gr 10, even though i was depressed everything felt so much more... "clear". now im in gr 12, and everything feels blurred together, and "hazy" and its just hard to focus.

    i just want everything to be clear, it's like walking around without glasses. i dont even know if this is a disorder or just paranoia :sad:
     
  2. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Hi Alex,
    Are you depressed? I need to ask because all of this.. that hazy, almost like "oh my God am I getting alzheimers or dementia at a young age" type feeling, is all correlated to depression.

    Since I can remember I've been this way. It's like there is fog on my brain - that's how I describe it. And every so often it'll lift (usually when I stop and start taking anti-depressants again. The first couple months of Fluoxetine are like brain clearance it's so odd). But if I get depressed, back it comes. The worse the depression, the worse the haze.

    I can't concentrate, I can't remember anything, it's all I can do to get out of bed in the morning, showering seems like a chore, I can't remember when my glasses are on my head, I'll be in class - I look out of the window - I see a squirrel - I watch the squirrel - an hour goes by - class is over and I'm like "whaaaa?".

    Honestly it has gotten so bad I once drove half a mile from my house, and sort of snapped back and thought "how did I get here?".

    But it all comes back to this depression. Because my energy has been sucked out like a vacuum, along with all brain functionality it seems like and it has been like this since I got the depression, age 13. Which is pretty much why I failed all of my exams at school.

    Feels like you're living in a dream and everything is not real. Another reason why I started to self harm, to make it all real.
    But I'm not saying to go there - don't.

    Try meds. They have helped me and they can help you too.
    Try brain sharpening tools.
    Try Ginkgo Biloba (but not with meds, the two don't mix).
    Try eating more fish or taking cod liver oil.
    Getting more sun. Vitamin D is good for the brain.
    Try exercising more. Keeps you sharp.
    And when you are doing something. Concentrate harder than usual. If I tell myself I am going to make it go in, even if it's hard and I feel like I'm working twice as hard as usual. It goes in. Now it seems the more I do this the better at it I am getting.

    Give it a shot. :)
     
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